Why She Gets Pregnant & You Can't: IVF, Infertility The Hidden Reason IVF & Functional Medicine Are Not Enough Anymore

Every pregnancy announcement lands somewhere in your body before it lands in your mind. It is not just a thought. It is a sensation. A tightening in your chest. A quiet comparison you wish you did not make. The question rises almost involuntarily.

Why she gets pregnant and you can’t.

You might not even say it out loud anymore. But it is there. Especially when you are doing everything right. The supplements. The clean diet. The tracking. The acupuncture. The functional medicine appointments. The IVF cycles. The emotional healing. The mindset work. You have rearranged your life around the hope of crossing a line you cannot see.

And still nothing.

There is a line no one talks about honestly. I call it the basic fertility line. It is not about optimal health. It is not about glowing vitality. It is simply the minimum level of cellular health required for a pregnancy to begin and continue.

Pregnancy is not proof of health. It is proof that the body had enough.

That statement alone can feel destabilizing because it removes the fantasy that two pink lines mean thriving. A woman can cross that line and still be depleted. A body can conceive and still be running on survival mode. Fertility burnout does not always begin after birth. Sometimes it begins long before.

The Basic Fertility Line

Cellular health is not abstract. It lives in mitochondrial function. It lives in hormone signaling. It lives in gut health and liver detox pathways and the tone of your nervous system. Your fertility does not operate in isolation. It begins in the brain moves through the endocrine system and depends on the body feeling safe enough to create.

When cellular health is low the system borrows. It borrows from mineral stores. From adrenal reserves. From immune balance. It does what it needs to do to keep you alive. Reproduction is not its first priority.

If you are hovering just above that basic fertility line you might get pregnant and miscarry. You might experience secondary infertility. You might go through IVF trauma and feel like your body keeps failing you. But your body is not confused. It is communicating.

When you understand the basic fertility line you stop making pregnancy a moral achievement. You begin to see it as biology interacting with energy and environment.

Why Doing Everything Right Still Isn’t Working

Some of you are no longer below that line. You have done the physical work. Your digestion is better. Your cycles are more regulated. Your inflammation is lower. Your labs look improved. You feel stronger than you did a year ago.

And still you are asking why she gets pregnant and you can’t.

This is where the conversation shifts from effort to frequency.

It is not always about doing more. It is about the energy behind the doing. You can take supplements from a place of fear. You can meditate from a place of control. You can attend yoga and leave braced against the world. The behavior appears healthy. The nervous system remains in adaptive survival mode.

It is not the action. It is the frequency behind the action.

When effort is driven by anxiety the body never truly downshifts. Subconscious blocks do not dissolve just because you have the right protocol. They live in your beliefs about your worth. In whether you feel safe slowing down. In whether you secretly believe your body is broken.

Most women do not actually believe they are worthy simply because they exist. Their worth is tied to output. To being needed. To achieving. To motherhood. That mindset shapes physiology more than we are comfortable admitting.

IVF Trauma and Fertility Burnout

IVF trauma is rarely named for what it is. It is not just injections and procedures. It is the emotional compression of hope and loss repeated over and over inside a body that is already stretched thin. Fertility burnout does not mean you are weak. It means your system has been in prolonged overdrive.

When the body is in overdrive mitochondrial function suffers. Gut health shifts. Cortisol stays elevated. Hormones fluctuate in ways that make everything feel harder. Emotional healing becomes another item on the checklist instead of an actual exhale.

You can heal your gut health. You can support your hormones. You can improve cellular health. And still feel like something deeper is running beneath the surface.

That deeper layer is often subconscious. The autopilot patterns that built your success. The over functioning. The perfectionism. The self surveillance disguised as responsibility. These patterns kept you safe and capable. They also keep your nervous system on guard.

When IVF and Functional Medicine Are Not Enough

Functional medicine can be powerful. Addressing gut health supporting detox pathways stabilizing blood sugar and improving mitochondrial function can absolutely move you above the basic fertility line. For many women that physical shift is enough.

But sometimes IVF and functional medicine are not enough because the body is still braced.

You may be tracking every biomarker yet ignoring resentment in your relationship. You may be following the perfect diet while suppressing anger. You may be optimizing supplements while quietly believing your body is unreliable.

Frequency cannot be faked. The relational field you live in matters. Emotional safety matters. Whether you feel seen and supported matters. That tension lives in the endocrine system as surely as nutrient deficiency does.

And when you see women in chaotic dynamics getting pregnant easily it does not invalidate this. It simply means their cellular health crossed the line. It does not reveal the long term health story for them or their children.

Epigenetics is not mystical. A baby developing in a system under chronic stress is interpreting signals. Stress response. Immune vigilance. Blood sugar regulation. This is biology responding to environment.

Two pink lines are not the finish line. They are the door opening.

The Red Zone

There is a space I call the red zone. It is where you feel like you have done everything right and it still is not working. It is deeply frustrating because you have already sacrificed so much.

This space is not punishment. It is provocation.

You are being asked to see what has been running beneath awareness. The control. The constant vigilance. The belief that love and safety must be earned. The self abandonment that hides inside high achievement.

You are not broken. You are becoming.

Cellular health can improve. Gut health can heal. Nervous systems can regulate. Subconscious blocks can surface and soften. Fertility burnout can be acknowledged without shame.

Why she gets pregnant and you can’t is not a moral question. It is not a verdict on your womanhood. It is an invitation to see your fertility as part of your whole system. Your biology. Your mindset. Your emotional field. Your frequency.

Pregnancy is not proof of health. Infertility is not proof of failure.

Sometimes it is proof that your body is asking for more truth before it asks you to create life. And that truth does not rush you. It waits for you to meet it honestly.

Egg Quality:: The Fertility Cliff: Why “It’s Your Age” Is the Most Convenient Scapegoat in Modern Medicine:: https://www.findingfertility.co/blog/fertility-cliff-why-it-s-your-age-is-the-most-convenient-scapegoat-in-modern-medicine

Fertile Energetics Journal: Six Core Steps to Emotional Alignment, Cellular Support & Conscious Conception on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4trMszr

 Let's Do This Together 💚

Monica 

Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

🌺 Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today 

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Full Transcript:

00:00
One of the biggest questions you ask yourself when you are in the thick of this journey, over and over again, every pregnancy announcement, it comes up. Why can she get pregnant and I can't? There's many factors into this. And I'm going to explain to you so you can stop comparing yourself to other women. So you got to think of your body as a battery. There's positive, there's negatives, there's ins, there's outs.

00:30
There is a basic fertility line. I've done many videos about the fertility line. This is the ability to get and stay pregnant. This is not perfection and it's not health. Maybe once upon a time, pregnancy was a sign of health, but now pregnancy is not a sign of health. More people spend more time planning their wedding and spending more money prepping for their wedding.

01:00
than they do when it comes to trying to conceive. We have not been educated on what true fertility health, what true womanhood health is before we even want to have babies. So the basic fertility line is technically the lowest that your cellular health can be to do all the things that needs to happen for

01:28
a pregnancy to end in a live birth. So you got to think of things like egg quality, sperm quality, ovulation. You have to have hormone health, including cortisol levels. You have to have a certain amount of estrogen to maintain a certain amount of progesterone. Urein lining for implantation. So these are basic, right? They don't have to be perfect. They don't even have to be good for this stuff to happen. And obviously,

01:58
Going back to the embryo development, you want to have enough in there to start creating and developing a fetus. How oh much extra do you have to grow another human being? This is a really hard topic to talk about because there is so much judgment on women already for so much guilt. have so much pressure on ourselves.

02:26
to do everything, right? Be everything. There's so many things that we're juggling. So when I talk about cellular health on every level, it's not from a judgmental place. It's just facts. Biology, cellular health, epigenetics. So the good news is that you don't need to be perfect. The perfection line is at the top of that battery.

02:55
And let's just say 0 % of the population is there. And this is not due to effort. This is due to the stress overload, the subconscious stuff we don't know we're dealing with, the toxins that we cannot control in our environment. So we don't need to get to being perfect to get and stay pregnant. But where we want to get is quite above

03:25
Right? If this is the basic fertility line, we want to get above this line. And we want to get above this line at least three to six months before trying to conceive, before you plan the timing before ovulation, or you do a round of IVF. And this is because your A takes three months and more to develop in the ovary.

03:52
And when we are talking about cellular health, we're talking about that mitochondria. Look, I know you've been told that you can't do anything about your egg quality. There is zero science to back that up. I'll put a link in the box, hey, oh, I did the research for you of where their science come from. It's crappy at best. So just take note. You can improve your cellular health. So therefore you can prove your egg quality because your egg is one of the biggest cells in your body.

04:21
and it is a reflection of whole body health. There's nothing you can do to pinpoint egg quality. Sure, there's some supplements out there that they think, oh, this is the magic thing for egg quality. No, it's just the magic thing for cellular health. Your egg is maturing in the environment. Let's say you're here, you're below the basic fertility line. You wanna take time, depending on your issue, to get up.

04:47
And when you feel healthy and you know that you're feeling healthier because you're tracking your symptoms like PMS, mood swings, hair, nails, skin, digestion, you're tracking all these symptoms that are classed as normal in our society. I can honestly tell you that they are common, but they are not normal. And so you're seeing your whole body, your sleep, everything improving. That's when you know, hey, I feel good. I'm ovulating.

05:17
I'm having healthy cycles, I don't have PMS anymore. And so I am going to start trying to conceive or I'm going to try a round of IVF. At the core of most fertility issues is your cells. Now, if you have structural issues or a genetic issue that cannot be influenced by functional medicine, I'm not talking about you. Everyone else, endometriosis, PCOS, low AQALY, low AMH.

05:46
urine lining, hormonal issues, thyroid issues. At the basic level of all of this is cellular health. How your mitochondria is functioning, that powerhouse, how the rest of your cells are functioning, whether it be in your gut lining, your detox pathways, your liver, your adrenals, right? You have the endocrine system. Your fertility is part of this endocrine system and it literally starts in your brain.

06:15
your hypothalamus, your pituitary, your adrenals, it goes to your thyroid, it runs down to your ovaries. You have to have proper detoxification through your liver, your gut, your digestion. It all matters and it all flows like this. It's all connected. Not one of it is not important to the whole big picture of fertility.

06:43
Now, one thing for you could be your main issue, but it's still down to a cellular level. And when you think of your system as a battery, everything you put in and you give, positively, goes out, goes around, out, taking, negative. It has an effect on your body. Sometimes it's immediate. Sometimes it's the slow growth. And for a lot of us, because we weren't taught about these things,

07:12
Our fertility issues started a little while ago. We just weren't aware of all those little symptoms that were like little red flags from our body saying, hey. And by time we get to being ready to have children, our bodies, oh yeah, we shut that down because we were just trying to keep you alive. We didn't need that. It's offline now. The cool thing though is once you start taking care of your body and giving it what it needs, it innately knows, oh, we have enough now.

07:42
being it clicks back on. You might be asking why this is important and this is what is not talked about enough. Between that basic fertility line and let's say that blue line, you massively reduce the risks during pregnancy, during birth, during postpartum and the epigenetics of your baby and the long-term health for you. Mitochondrial function.

08:11
Mineral deficiency, gut issues, nervous system regulation, emotional safety. When these are all compromised, the body shifts into adaptive survival mode rather than expansive creation mode. So you get pregnant and you are at this line. First, let me tell you this line. If you're hovering about it, this is where reoccurring miscarriages, the ability to get pregnant.

08:41
but you can't stay pregnant. This happens a lot with secondary fertility issues. You were probably here, maybe here, and because you were unaware and being a mom, first time mom, second time mom, third time mom, just the stress alone and not knowing how to cope or deal with things, you get pushed down. During pregnancy, you're looking at gestational diabetes, preeclampsia.

09:08
thyroid dysregulation, anemia, increased of all the pregnancy symptoms like nausea, food aversions, higher inflammation markers, greater exhaustion, and poor recovery between trimesters. And moving in to birth, longer or stalled labor, poor urine contraction strength.

09:37
Higher intervention rates, difficult responding to labor stress, slower tissue repair, greater birth trauma for both mother and baby. Postpartum, depletion, adrenal crash, mood disorders including higher anxiety, depression, or rage. Once again, your thyroid is so compromised. If your thyroid is already compromised,

10:03
Pregnancy, labor, and postpartum is going to compromise it even more as part of your endocrine system. It's so important if you're dealing with a thyroid issue and your doctor's response is just to put you on medication, please seek out the holistic things that you can do to support yourself during that time as well. It's so important. Breastfeeding is all linked to your body. So you might get poor milk production or even difficulty breastfeeding. Inflammation.

10:33
joint pain, gut flares, autoimmune symptoms heighten. So you have to understand that post-plarotum is not a recovery period. It is little sleep, your body's on overdrive, healing the birth, producing milk. That's like a freaking full-time job. It is an energy redistribution event. If your cellular bank account is already low, if your battery is already low,

11:03
The body is going to borrow aggressively. The baby already took tons and then your body is going to borrow aggressively and you're just not going to have enough. And this is where you increase your risks during pregnancy, birth and postpartum. And this is why we are seeing more of it because we think pregnancy is a sign of health. It is not.

11:27
Epigenetics is something that's not talked about nearly enough in the fertility space and especially in the IVF space. This is the effects that it could potentially have on your baby, the risks. So when a baby develops in a system under high emotional, mental, physical stress, low cellular health, you're sending signals to this baby from the get-go.

11:57
You have to remember you are creating from cells a human being. So it is interpreting every single signal that you are giving it in your system. Stress response, cortisol sensitivity, blood sugar regulation, immune vigilance, nervous system.

12:19
And that baby is taking, it does not ask for permission, hey, can I get a little bit more of this? Can I have a little bit more of this? It just takes what you have. I remember watching some of my friends who got pregnant easily dealing with health issues. And at that time, I didn't understand why they were like eating raw liver after birth. They would have to have major dental work because they didn't have enough vitamin D. So you have to remember the two pink lines.

12:47
The pregnancy success that when you're dealing with fertility issues is like this goal line. It doesn't mean the work is done. It means the door is open. And when you have that awareness, that empowerment, that intuition, that discernment before the two pink lines, you are going to be able to better move through everything that comes up your way.

13:14
Take care of your body in a way that is going to thrive during pregnancy, thrive during birth, postpartum. You can see why some people who seem to be more unhealthy than you, why IVF works for some. But here you are. You personally feel like, okay, I was below that basic line. I've gone up Monica. I'm doing the work. I'm doing the work.

13:42
I feel like I am close to perfection. Why is it not working? And before I dive into that, I want to make it perfectly clear. Everyone has their own unique journey and their soul's purpose and their baby's purpose, their baby's soul's purpose, right? Intertwining, getting that energetic match. We all come in at a different frequency. We're all asking.

14:11
a different path from our mothers, from our fathers. So some people do not need to be in that blue zone. The energy of the mother has matched the energy of the baby. Now I'm going to jump in real quick while I'm making edits to this video because something came in pretty loud and clear. The match is not just about you and baby, about the woman and the baby's soul. It is.

14:38
Two folds to this, right? There's obviously the energetic match to the father. And I'm just going to speak to you knowing your partner, so not sperm donation or adoption. And more so you're in a relationship, a loving relationship with this person that you want to build a family with. There has been quite a few women in the breakthrough sessions where it becomes pretty obvious.

15:08
really quick that it's not their effort, it's not their energy, it is their partner's frequency, energetic vibe, either in sperm issues, in their energy towards creating a child in the first place, or their behavior that is affecting their partner, you, their partner's energy.

15:37
Meaning I have seen women consciously know, but not wanting, willing, or ready to take action to hold their partners accountable for the role that they're playing in this. That could be high functioning alcoholics, just like their father was, that's double energetic, major gambling issues, workaholics, sexists,

16:06
You name it, I've pretty much seen it on the male side of it. Now, yes, that's their own BS. They need to fix that. You can be the light. You can be like the lighthouse and say, hey, look at what I'm doing. I'm improving. It'd be great if you came along on your own journey and did your own work. You can't force it though. And you can't full energy. You can't full frequency. The other half of it is that it's affecting your

16:36
energy in your frequency because you hold resentment, anger, bitterness. So you are subconsciously blocking yourself by not showing up and doing the physical work that you know you can do. So don't put all the pressure on yourself that you have to become this energetic match because if you are radically honest, which we'll get into later, with yourself about your whole situation,

17:05
your whole frequency, how you're showing up, how you're not setting boundaries, how you're doing it all. That could be an issue why it does not matter what zone you're in, orange, red, blue, forget the whole battery. Like it doesn't matter. Frequency, energy cannot lie. So as you're moving through this journey and you're becoming more consciously aware, understand

17:34
that sometimes it does not matter how much you do that your partner that you know, I don't want to say the interference, but the interference and not allowing that match. And on the flip side, when you're saying like, what about when people are in partnerships that are not healthy and they're still having baby after baby? Once again, that is they are at a cellular health level that the woman's body

18:03
can do it, the sperm was strong enough to help grow that embryo and energetically everyone's aligned. Cellular health is good enough. The body can do it, but let's question the long-term health of mother and baby. Remember, everyone has their own personal line. I know you're asking what the hell do I have to do?

18:31
in this red zone to get to my personal fertility line and what is it all about. So this might be a big fat maybe. This is my theory as to why functional medicine isn't working as cleanly as I think I saw it working in my time. So my IVF baby is 10 years old. So technically I did functional medicine 11, 12, 13 years ago.

19:00
I did use immune suppressing drugs to have my IVF baby and two and a bit years later I got pregnant actually at 36. So I can confidently say that my journey was very physical. Now don't get me wrong, I did mindset work, I slowed down, I did yoga. I did those surrender techniques that are very basic but still very hard to implement. I didn't have to do what I teach you now.

19:30
have my kids. That just wasn't my journey. The time wasn't ripe for the information to be out there like it is now. And because there's so much noise with functional medicine, I think sometimes if you don't have that intuition and that discernment, you get lost and your journey gets more confusing and you feel

19:58
Like you've been in that blue zone for so long and you're actually done with the BS. Like you're so frustrated with it all. The red zone, I think you are being called here not only by your baby's frequency, like your soul baby getting to be an energetic match, but this is also your soul's path.

20:27
in your fertility journey, your physical journey with fertility, and not seeing the success even though you've done everything right, is asking you to wake up just a little bit more. Because if you don't wake up a little bit more now, you are going to run the same patterns that have gotten you so much success before. But...

20:56
also contributed to the burnout that your body is feeling and the fertility issues that you're encountering. So I think in the past, us mamas and our babies met at this energetic point of life. You've radically reduced my risks of cellular health issues by healing your gut, finding the right diet, continuing it on, slowing down.

21:26
But because you haven't done the deeper work of getting to know your subconscious beliefs and how your nervous system gets triggered, I'm going to come here and do that job with you. I can see it so clear as day. I was supposed to be Mary Poppins. I had 20 years of early education experience. I have a degree in it. I was supposed to be the Pinterest mom. I waited.

21:55
so long to have my kids and I wasn't. And it took me well over five years to understand what was going on. And it wasn't until my health issues that I had during my infertility started to come back, even though I was on the perfect diet. I was doing yoga. I had the supplements. The functional medicine wasn't working anymore.

22:25
and the energetic load of the refresh everything of my life because at that point I wasn't doing any work per se. Going to yoga for an hour to stretch the body. If you are not in tune, it doesn't do what you think it's doing. If you go to yoga, you're all peaceful on your mat, you roll it up, you walk out, you put your resting bitch face on, you get in your car, you flip someone off because they like cut you off.

22:54
The yoga didn't yoga. The physical stuff isn't working. Like you're not seeing the success that you want. You don't love life. You're not as joyful. You're not getting pregnant. You're not saying pregnant IDF isn't working or you have your kids now and it's not what you thought it was going to be. That's the red area. When you become conscious and you gain this radical awareness of your patterns, of your triggers. oh

23:24
Congratulations. Your soul is asking for more. And I believe that your baby soul is going, yeah, we want more too. We don't want to come down and deal with the BS that you need to alchemize because we have better things to do with our lives. Most of us here on earth, just we weren't taught these things. We grew up on the freaking food pyramid. We, we've just got to a point.

23:54
where we need better. In this space, in this red area, it isn't asking for more effort. This phase is asking for you to interrupt what's been running beneath your awareness. And for some, the hard truth is it's not working because that kind of effort, slowly running the show, putting your system into overdrive,

24:24
all the time. It doesn't work here, physically and energetically. And these can be things like hustle, beliefs about your body. I know that there's some of you out there that believe that your body is working against you, that you're listening so closely to what the medical doctors say that you can't do this, you can't do that. You have a life sentence of a thyroid issue, you have this, you have that, you can't reverse this.

24:53
I know that it's hard when you're in the thick of it to believe something different, but I challenge you to prove them wrong. In this journey, you get to decide what is going to be true for you. Now, we're obviously not talking about women who have physical issues or genetic issues that cannot be reversed by functional medicine, but that's a small population.

25:20
of women listening to this. And even if you have those issues, you still want to empower yourself. You still want to boost your cellular health. We have medical technology. Whether you are going to have an egg donor or a sperm donor, you are still going to grow that baby. You are still going to be an energetic match. And whatever you don't clean up, you're going to energetically have to clean it up together. And trust me on this, it is much harder when you have children.

25:49
to do this type of work. It's gonna show up as control, over-functioning, martyrism, perfectionism, collecting knowledge. That is a big one for us. People pleasing, suppressing emotions, ignoring the body, and living in self-surveillance. And the number one thing that keeps you stuck is self-abandonment. So when you feel like you're doing all the right things, the diet, the supplements, the sleep, the movement, you're resting.

26:19
You're recovering, you go to yoga, you have to watch your frequency in the doing. Because it's not the doing, it's the frequency behind it. Are you rushing to do all of the to-do lists? Are you overthinking? Oh, that didn't work, so I've got to do this. How are you moving? Is your anxiety there? Is your overthinking? Are you over controlling it? Are you getting all of the numbers from the functional medicine because you need to know where you're at?

26:47
So even though you have all the knowledge and you feel like you're doing all the right things, it's the awareness of how you are moving through those things. It's not the doing, it's the frequency and the energy behind the doing. So you need a pattern interruption. Your old patterns that got you the success before are probably keeping you stuck now. Effort, meaning doing all the right things, including reiki, yoga,

27:15
reflexology, acupuncture, IV bags, IVF, supplements, the perfect diet. Those things can't avoid a pattern that's already running on autopilot. And the core to a lot of this is do you feel safe? Do you feel safe enough in your body to slow down? What's your worthiness like? I have not had

27:40
a breakthrough session with someone and we test their subconscious belief of I am worthy because I am me and they actually believe it. I didn't. Most of us don't. Most of us are taught our worthiness comes from doing, comes from having a baby, a career. This is how you create your reality and this is autopilot. So you have your beliefs, your unconscious mind. You move into your emotions, which is your subconscious mind.

28:09
You move into your thoughts, which is your conscious mind, into your habits and patterns, automatic mind. This is reality. So you have to get real with yourself. You have to understand what your default frequency is. You have to understand what autopilot patterns are still running the show and really just keeping you in infertility hell because you are just looping and looping. I can promise you.

28:39
Once you understand the right action steps for you, you can go into this cruise control of just becoming the ultimate observer of your patterns, of your emotions, of your frequency. Learning a few techniques, flipping the script like that, and then showing up in contradictory action to start firing the new neurons.

29:06
That's the physical side of this, which I think a lot of spiritual teachers leave out. You are playing both games. You're playing a virtual reality game through frequency, emotions, subconscious beliefs that are not tangible. And you're playing the physical game. You are a physical being on a physical earth. You are not going to energetic your way out of mitochondria dysfunction. So I want you to remember you are not broken.

29:35
you are becoming. Your body is not confused. It is communicating. You are not behind. You are unfolding. You are stepping closer with every bit of awareness, every shift in your energy, every moment you choose presence over panic, truth over fear, care over control. And if this has inspired you,

30:01
This is Fertile Energetics, what I've been writing in. This is the journal that will give you insight to what I've been talking about and more.