Why Grief Isn’t Failure: The Raw Truth About Infertility and Healing

Mabel’s story is painfully relatable for anyone navigating the twists and turns of infertility—the heartbreak, the relentless search for answers, and the crushing weight of another failed IVF cycle. In her darkest moments, Mabel feels completely alone, crumpled on the floor as the cold, stark finality of the clinic's message taunts her. But in this shared space of grief, Monica and Monique—two powerful voices of experience and tough love—arrive not to fix, but to simply be.

Monica, the steady, nurturing guide, reminds Mabel that grief isn’t failure—it’s a necessary, if excruciating, part of the journey. Monique, ever blunt but deeply human, cuts through the noise: “Life’s a bitch sometimes, but today isn’t about fixing anything—it’s about riding the wave.” Together, they help Mabel begin to untangle the chaos and find her footing. It’s not about rushing to solutions but creating space for healing, clarity, and the possibility of hope.

Breaking Free from the Fertility Chaos Cycle

Mabel’s struggles illuminate common patterns that can sabotage progress, not just in fertility but in life’s most challenging journeys. The constant need for control, overthinking every decision, and burying emotional baggage are just a few of the ten truths Monica identifies as key contributors to unnecessary chaos. Yet, these truths aren’t flaws—they’re opportunities for transformation.

Monica knows this firsthand, having navigated her own rocky road to motherhood. She sees Mabel’s micromanaging, frantic busyness, and fear of slowing down not as weaknesses but as signs of a deeper disconnect—a loss of trust in her body, her intuition, and her ability to thrive beyond the struggle. Through patience, radical honesty, and a bit of Monique’s fiery candor, Monica helps Mabel confront these patterns head-on, transforming them into stepping stones toward growth, alignment, and peace.

Starting January 17th, Monica will guide a 10-week deep dive into these ten truths, peeling back the layers of chaos with practical tools, empowering insights, and her real-life experiences. Whether you’re feeling stuck in your fertility journey or wrestling with overwhelm and doubt in another area of life, these conversations offer a roadmap to healing and transformation. Tune in to the Finding Fertility Podcast and blog for more real talk, actionable steps, and the space to create the life you’ve been working so hard to build.

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Mabel lay crumpled on the floor, her sobs muffled against the cold hardwood as the weight of another failed IVF cycle bore down on her. Her phone lay in her hand, the clinic's message still open on the screen, taunting her with its stark finality. It felt like the universe had sucker-punched her yet again, leaving her gasping for air and grasping for meaning.

Monica crouched beside her, a steady presence of someone who had walked this path before. She didn’t say anything at first—she knew better. Grief like this wasn’t something you fixed with words or a well-meaning pat on the back.

Mabel let out a bitter laugh, sharp and raw. “Great. Now my imaginary friends are here to tell me I’m failing at life?”

Monica smiled gently, shaking her head. “You’re not failing, Mabel. You’re grieving. That’s not the same thing. It’s okay to collapse,” she said softly, her voice steady and full of understanding. “This is brutal, and it’s okay to let it be.”

Mabel sniffled, barely lifting her head. “It’s never going to happen. I’ve done everything. Everything. Why does this keep happening to me?”

Monique leaned casually against the wall, arms crossed. Her usual sharp edges were softened—just a bit. “Because life’s a bitch sometimes,” she said bluntly but not unkindly. “And I’m not about to give you some sugar-coated pep talk. Today, you just get to feel it. The whole messy, unfair mess of it.”

Mabel groaned, rolling onto her side, clutching her phone like it might somehow hold the answers. “Why are you even here? To remind me of everything I’ve done wrong? To tell me to try again?”

“No,” Monica said firmly. “Not today. Today isn’t about what’s next. It’s about letting yourself feel this, as awful and unfair as it is. I’ve been here too, Mabel.”

Mabel squinted at her, the tears still streaming but quieter now. She softened, remembering why she had invited Monica into her life. Monique? Well, Monique always seemed to crash the party.

Monica sighed, settling cross-legged beside her. “I have my kids now, yes. But I didn’t get here without my own heartbreaks. I did IVF too, Mabel. It wasn’t some magic button that worked the first time—or even the second. I’ve been exactly where you are—crying on the floor, feeling betrayed by my own body, terrified I was running out of time and hope. I know what it feels like more than I ever wanted to.”

Mabel stared at her. “Is it okay to be happy that I’m not the only one life has slapped around?”

Monica gave a soft laugh, full of empathy. “It’s more than okay, Mabel. Misery loves company for a reason. Knowing you’re not alone makes the weight a little easier to bear. But the trick is not to stay there for too long.”

Mabel wiped at her face, smearing her tears. “So, what did you do when you were here? Crying, broken, feeling like the universe hated you? What got you through it?”

Monica gave Monique the look but didn’t disagree. “Radical honesty, Mabel? I went straight to Dr. Google. I spent hours looking for answers, for the magic fix. I didn’t have mentors like you do now—people who’ve walked this road and can say, hand on heart, that frantic searching won’t fix anything. Not right now. Monique’s right. You have to ride the wave, as painful as it is. That’s what surrendering is about—letting the emotions move through you.”

Mabel blinked, surprised. “You? Really? But you’re so... put together now. You always seem to know what to say, what to do.”

Monica smiled ruefully. “That’s because I’ve been through the fire and learned what doesn’t work. The obsessive controlling, the endless searching—it only made me feel more lost. I had to hit rock bottom before I realized the answers weren’t out there. They were in here,” she said, placing a hand over her heart.

Monique pulled up a chair, sitting backward on it. “Let’s not pretend Monica had some grand epiphany and floated her way to inner peace. It was messy. She screwed up, stumbled, and clawed her way through. Mabel deserves the messy truth.”

Monica chuckled. “Fair. It was ugly. There were a lot of doubts, a lot of moments where I wanted to give up. But the turning point came when I stopped trying to do it alone. When I leaned into the idea that I didn’t have to have all the answers at once.”

Mabel frowned, her fingers tracing patterns on the floor. “But how? How do you let go when everything feels like it’s falling apart?”

Monique leaned forward, unusually serious. “You don’t. Not all at once. You start small. Let go of the idea that you have to fix it today. Then go from there. Trust me, Mabel, even I know you can’t grip the wheel so tight it snaps off in your hands.”

Monica nodded. “Letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means making space. Space for the grief, the hope, and the possibilities you haven’t even imagined yet.”

Mabel sighed, her shoulders relaxing just a little. “I don’t know if I can do it. But I’ll try. I guess that’s all I can do.”

Monique smirked. “Exactly. And when you’re ready, we’ll tackle those ten truths Monica’s been hoarding in her notebook from those emails you wrote last month.”

Monica shot her a stern look.

Monique shrugged unapologetically. “What? You know you’ve been dying to share them.”

Monica sighed, giving in. “Fine. But just the cliff notes, okay, Mabel?”

Mabel nodded, though her Type A, must-know-everything-right-nowenergy was practically vibrating off her.

Monica spoke quickly, her tone steady but firm. “There are ten truths, Mabel—ten things wreaking havoc in your life. They’re big. They’re why you feel so stuck. And they’re what you’ll need to face to move forward. But today isn’t the day to tackle them. Today is about grief. It’s about letting yourself feel all of it without trying to fix or fight it.”

Monique gave a slow nod, her usual edge softened. “Fair. Even I know better than to kick someone when they’re already down. Mabel, you’ve got every right to feel this. Rage, cry, scream into a pillow—whatever you need. We’re here for it.”

Mabel’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I can do this again. I don’t know if I have it in me.”

Monica reached out, her voice as steady as her hand. “You don’t have to decide that right now. Today isn’t about what’s next—it’s about letting yourself grieve. And when you’re ready, we’ll work through those ten truths together. One step at a time.”

Monique crossed her arms, but her usual toughness gave way to a flicker of tenderness. “Yeah. And when you’re ready to get back up, I’ll be here to light a fire under your ass. But not today. Today, you just… rest.”

Mabel let the tears fall again, but this time they weren’t as suffocating. “Thank you. Both of you.”

The three of them sat in silence, the weight of the moment settling over the room. It was raw. It was messy. It was real. And in that quiet, something shifted—small, almost imperceptible, but undeniably present. She may not have had the answers, but in this space, surrounded by understanding, she finally felt the beginnings of a path forward. One that would allow her to navigate the winding road of healing, grief, and perhaps, one day, the promise of motherhood.

10 Things Monica Sees in Mabel’s Journey That Are Causing Unnecessary Chaos

1. An Obsession with Control
   Mabel is trying to micromanage every detail—her cycles, her diet, her emotions. But this constant need for control is draining her energy and keeping her stuck in a loop of anxiety.

2. Overthinking Every Decision
   From Googling symptoms to second-guessing every choice, Mabel’s overthinking is drowning out her intuition and making her feel more lost than ever.

3. A Frenzied Addiction to Busy-ness
   Mabel’s days are packed with fertility “to-dos,” but not all of them are moving the needle. She’s filling her time to avoid sitting with the deeper emotions she’s scared to face.

4. Buried Emotional Baggage
   Grief, anger, and disappointment are simmering beneath the surface. By avoiding them, Mabel is letting these unresolved feelings run the show from behind the scenes.

5. Fear of What Success Might Look Like
   Mabel says she wants this, but deep down, the idea of success feels overwhelming. She’s unsure who she’ll be if the struggle finally ends.

6. Clinging to the Identity of ‘The One Who’s Trying’
   Mabel has been in this fight for so long, it’s become part of who she is. Letting go of that identity feels like losing a piece of herself, even if it’s no longer serving her.

7. Ignoring Her Intuition
   Mabel has lost trust in her inner voice. She’s so focused on what the experts say that she’s forgotten how to tune into her own body and what feels right for her.

8. Refusing to Slow Down
   Slowing down feels like a risk to Mabel—what if she misses something? But the constant go-go-go is keeping her from finding clarity and alignment.

9. Scattered Priorities
   Mabel is trying everything all at once—diets, supplements, treatments—but without a clear focus, she’s spreading herself too thin and losing sight of what truly matters.

10. Finding Comfort in Chaos
    The ups and downs of the journey have become her norm. Chaos feels familiar, almost safe. But this comfort is holding her back from stepping into the calm, aligned energy she needs to move forward.

Starting January 17th—for 10 weeks, we’ll dive deep into these ten patterns with Monica and Mabel [and of course, Monique will be joining us]. They’ll peeling back the layers of unnecessary chaos and exploring how to turn these challenges into stepping stones for growth.

Monica sees these patterns not as flaws, but as opportunities for transformation. With patience, honesty, and a touch of Monique’s fiery truth-telling, they’ll uncover the ways these habits have been holding Mabel back—and more importantly, how she can begin to let them go.

Monica will also be unpacking each of these topics further on the Finding Fertility Podcast & Blog, bringing her real-life experiences and insights into how to address these challenges in a practical, empowering way. These conversations will offer real, actionable steps to help anyone feeling stuck in their fertility journey—or any area of life where overwhelm and doubt have taken root.

Tune in, join the conversation, and start creating the space you need for healing, alignment, and possibility. It’s time to clear the chaos and step into the life you’ve been working so hard to create.

Let's Do This Together 💚 Monica

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