What Happens After You Stop Trying So Hard to Conceive During IVF & Infertility

There was a moment when pushing just stopped working.

Not in a dramatic, breaking point kind of way. There was no big realization, no emotional crash, no moment where everything came undone. It was quieter than that. Subtle enough that it could have been missed if I wasn’t paying attention. The effort was still there. The planning, the adjusting, the trying to do everything “right.” But something underneath it had shifted. The energy behind it didn’t land the same way anymore.

For a while, that felt uncomfortable. Almost like something had gone wrong.

Because when you’re used to effort creating movement, when you’re used to doing more to feel safer, more to feel in control, more to feel like you’re getting closer, the absence of that drive can feel like you’re slipping backwards. It can feel like you’re missing something. Like you should be doing more, learning more, fixing more.

But that wasn’t what was happening.

What was actually unfolding was something much quieter, and much more honest. The space where nothing needed to be added. The space where there wasn’t a next step waiting to be executed. The space where all of the work that had been done wasn’t asking for more, it was asking to settle.

This is the part that rarely gets spoken about.

We talk a lot about what to do. What to change. What to implement. How to optimize. How to move forward. But there comes a point where continuing to approach your life that way starts to feel off. Not because the tools were wrong, but because the way you were relating to them begins to shift.

You start to notice how you meet your life instead of trying to control it.

You begin to see the patterns that used to run automatically. The overthinking. The urgency. The constant need to stay ahead, to prepare, to make sure nothing gets missed. And instead of immediately trying to correct them or turn them into another thing to work on, there’s a pause.

Not a forced pause. Not something added to a routine.

Just a natural moment where you see it, and something in you no longer feels the need to follow it.

That’s where things begin to change in a way that doesn’t look like change at all.

It doesn’t come with fireworks or big declarations. It shows up in the smallest, most ordinary moments. The way you make a decision without spiraling. The way you notice an old reaction starting and it loses momentum before it takes over. The way you stop trying to convince yourself of something and simply feel whether it’s a yes or a no.

There’s a quietness to it that can feel unfamiliar at first.

Because we’re so used to measuring progress by how much we’re doing. By how much we’re pushing. By how much we’re actively trying to create an outcome. So when that intensity starts to soften, the mind can interpret it as a loss of control.

But it isn’t a loss.

It’s the absence of unnecessary force.

It’s what happens when your system is no longer bracing the way it used to. When you’re not doing things to prove your worth, or to try and secure a specific outcome. When the constant pressure to get it right begins to dissolve, not because you’ve figured everything out, but because you no longer need to.

This is especially confronting in a fertility journey.

Because so much of that experience is built around timelines, expectations, and the belief that if you just find the right combination of actions, you’ll get the result you’re looking for. And while there are absolutely physical and practical pieces that matter, there is also a deeper layer that often gets overlooked.

The way you are relating to your life while all of this is happening.

The internal pressure. The urgency. The feeling that you have to stay ahead of it, that you can’t afford to slow down, that pausing somehow means you’re falling behind. Those patterns don’t just disappear because you have more information. They shift when you begin to see them clearly, without turning them into another problem to solve.

And that’s what this phase invites.

Not more doing, but a different way of being.

A way of standing in your life where things feel less charged. Where decisions don’t carry the same weight. Where you’re not constantly scanning for what’s next. It can feel almost too simple, which is why it’s easy to overlook.

But the quiet doesn’t mean nothing is happening.

It means something deeper has already started to reorganize.

It means your system is no longer operating from the same level of tension. It means you’re not gripping as tightly as you once were. And from that place, things begin to move differently. Not because you’re forcing them to, but because you’re no longer creating resistance in the same way.

There will still be moments where the old patterns show up.

The urge to rush. The desire to take everything you’ve learned and immediately apply it perfectly. The instinct to turn insight into action as quickly as possible. That doesn’t disappear overnight. It’s part of how the body has learned to function.

But the difference is in how you meet those moments.

You notice them sooner. You feel them more clearly. And instead of automatically following them, there’s space to choose something different. Even if that choice is small. Even if it’s just a breath, or a pause, or a moment of not reacting in the way you used to.

Over time, those small shifts start to add up.

Not in a way that feels forced or effortful, but in a way that becomes natural. The work stops being something you have to remember to do. It becomes something you are living, without needing to constantly think about it.

And that’s where things begin to feel easier.

Not perfect. Not completely free of challenge. But lighter. Less urgent. Less heavy.

There’s a steadiness that starts to come through.

A sense that you don’t have to push yourself to feel safe. That you don’t have to constantly manage everything to keep things moving. That uncertainty doesn’t have to be solved immediately.

And from that place, something else opens.

Not because you went looking for it.

But because you finally stopped standing in your own way.

Listen here: What Happens After You Stop Trying So Hard to Conceive During IVF & Infertility

Let's Do This Together 💚

Monica 

Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

🌺 Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today 

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Full Transcript:

00:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.

00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.

00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Fighting fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes holding you back. Let's do this together.

01:03
Happy Friday, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. You've just completed 20 weeks and I am so proud of you becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. So I know some of you are thinking, what do I do next? And I am here to make this perfectly clear. There is nothing you need to do next. No assignment, no new practice, no immediate integration plan.

01:33
What you just move through, if you did the full 20 weeks with all of your heart to the best of your abilities was not about fixing yourself or becoming someone else. It was about noticing how you meet your life, how you are the ultimate reality maker by being the ultimate observer, aware of your patterns, and then having the confidence to shift.

02:03
And that kind of work doesn't end, it settles. It does get easier, but just like we need to have good hygiene and eat food daily, we have to meet ourselves in this new frequency daily, whether it be 1 % or 100%. But over those weeks, I hope that you watched your control soften. I've hope-

02:32
I hope you've noticed overdoing losing its grip. I hope that you stay in this. So if you do have a piece of jewelry that you are connecting with that, that maybe you are continuing the sticky note or the phone notification practice where you are reminding yourself that you are showing up in a different way again and again and again until it gets to a point where you don't need little reminders like that.

03:01
But trust me, I've been in this work for long enough. I got myself a piece of jewelry during this 20 weeks and I look at that and I remind myself, hey, keep shifting, keep moving, keep expanding. Not because you need to change or not because you need to fix yourself, but because it's fun to be the ultimate creator of your reality. And the more you clear and the more you integrate and the more you become present,

03:29
the more your reality you just go WTF, is this real? And there's a part of me that's like, no, it's not real. It's all imaginary. And if you have fun and bring that joy into your life, you can create some amazing stuff. And for everyone here who is listening because they are dealing with fertility issues, if you have all the working bits or even if you need medical assistance,

03:57
Becoming the ultimate creator of your life is also creating the family of your dreams and not just seeing two pink lines, not just giving birth, but really being that conscious mama that really ends a lot of this generational societal beat. So I hope through these weeks, months, you have experienced awareness without turning it into another way about yourself.

04:24
Remember the whole trick of being the ultimate observer, observing yourself and bringing in that ball of light, of love. And we're not doing this perfectly. We're not doing it all at once. It doesn't have to be a morning ritual. It's about pausing and breathing and going, hey, I'm in an old pattern and I'm going to get out. And just enough to feel the difference again and again and again.

04:54
And that's how the change, the magic in the mundane happens. Yes, the urge to rush forward is going to show up. The desire to use what you've learned may become a whisper. You might totally forget it sometimes. Old reflexes, the autopilot to optimize and capitalize on insight will knock at your door.

05:23
and you will open it. That's all completely normal and that's just how the body runs. But the more you are aware of it and the more you are willing to take opposite action, the more you are willing to trust yourself, that's when the ease and the coherence comes into play. Because what comes after this kind of work isn't a next step. It's a different way of standing in

05:53
your life. You may notice that things feel quieter, that decisions don't come with the same charge, but the quiet doesn't mean nothing is happening. It means your system is no longer bracing. It means that you're not doing to prove your worth. I'm excited for you if you already feel that you no longer need to hold yourself together as tightly as you have before, that you're

06:22
time pressure just doesn't feel as urgent. You don't have to try to conceive. Taking a break or healing or pausing treatment is not failure and it's not quote unquote stopping. I hope you feel like you don't have to push yourself to feel safe. I hope that the uncertainty of all of this is just okay. It's okay to be there.

06:51
And I hope that you really don't have to feel the need to stay ahead of your own life because that's where the coherence lives. And you know you're getting closer to that by how you pause without effort, how you listen before acting, how you feel when something is a yes or a no without talking yourself into it. Remember, there is no finish line. Death is the finish line and we are not in a rush to get there.

07:20
This is a rhythm, this is the frequency that you are returning to. So remember, this is where the work stops being something you have to do on your to-do list, but you continue to practice with grace and it starts to become how you live with ease. Have a beautiful week and we'll see you next Friday for another episode.

07:48
Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent. I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below.

08:15
And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.