Week 2: Fertility Burnout Nobody Talks About: The Cost of Quiet Control
Control rarely looks like control.
It looks like responsibility.
It looks like maturity.
It looks like being the one who keeps everything from falling apart.
Most women do not experience control as force.
They experience it as protection.
And the nervous system agrees.
Staying on top of things feels normal.
Managing details feels calming.
Monitoring outcomes feels like care.
Until it doesn’t.
The body stays tight even when the checklist is done.
Rest never actually lands.
The mind keeps scanning for what might go wrong next.
This pattern is old.
Learned.
Inherited.
Not because anyone failed you, but because women have been praised for holding it all together for generations.
Control becomes the way safety is earned.
On a fertility journey, this shows up quietly.
Doing everything right.
Breathwork. Yoga. Supplements. Research. Healing modalities.
And still feeling tense underneath it all.
Not because the practices are wrong.
But because the frequency underneath them matters more than the action itself.
Control driven by fear creates vigilance.
Vigilance keeps the body alert even in rest.
Even in sleep.
Even during moments meant to be nourishing.
True safety feels different.
It is spacious.
It is unhurried.
It does not grip the outcome.
You do not need to stop controlling.
You do not need to fix this pattern today.
Awareness is enough.
The moment you notice your jaw clench.
Your breath shorten.
Your chest tighten.
That noticing is not passive.
It is powerful.
Because it returns you to orientation.
Back into your body.
Back into choice.
This is how patterns soften without force.
This is how safety becomes real instead of managed.
Nothing to do.
Nothing to prove.
Just space.
Listen Now: Infertility & IVF Burnout, Control & the Slow Shifts That Actually Change Everything
Week 3 :: The Subconscious Patterns Running Your Fertility Journey on Autopilot
Let's Do This Together 💚
Monica
Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷♀️
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?
As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨
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Full Transcript:
00:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.
00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.
00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friday, welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility.
01:07
I am so honored you are here with me becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. This is week two. Remember, we're gonna keep these short and sweet. I'm here to really help you shift reality. I know this one all too well. When control feels like safety. So this week's invitation is to notice one moment where control feels soothing or necessary. Not dramatic control.
01:37
quiet control in your subconscious that keeps you feeling responsible, protective, helpful. And I want you to notice it in your body. For most women, control doesn't feel aggressive. It feels responsible. It feels mature. It feels like the thing that keeps everything from falling apart. And that's incredibly important.
02:05
to become aware of and see in your daily patterns. I think this is something that most women are subconsciously programmed to do by their mothers, grandmothers, women in their society. I am the only female in my household. My two cats are boys, my two sons are boys, and obviously my husband's a boy. I have told you guys some of my realizations.
02:34
in motherhood. I didn't realize these things in my fertility journey. Yes, you can get pregnant running these patterns, but I'm here to uh really help shift these patterns so motherhood becomes so much more enjoyable and peaceful. A really big thing for me because I do have sons. Not only am I breaking this for myself and for the women in my family so my sons don't become
03:03
an energetic match to a woman who runs these patterns. They'll see it and either support her through it and say, you don't have to do these things to feel in control, to feel safe. I'm here for you. We're grounded. Or they see these patterns and they can just be like, peace. No, thank you. I don't need to be mothered. I'm here to be your partner. We actually had to say this to someone in our family. uh
03:31
that I am not here to be my husband's mother, I am here to be his partner. So I know that most women listening to this aren't trying to control because they are rigid or difficult, or maybe you are. I really see the old me being difficult because I wanted to control everything because it felt safe and I felt that's how it needs to get done. If it doesn't get done my way, then the baby's not gonna survive, which is not true. I was controlling because it felt
04:00
which is normal to my nervous system, to my patterns. If I stay on top of things, if I manage this well, if I don't let anything slip, then maybe after all of that, I can relax. There was some back and forth between a male and a female and I entered the conversation over on Substack.
04:22
And it was the woman going like, why do I have to do everything to get it done right? And the male chimed in in a loving way, just, hey, I just don't think that way. This is how it rolls for me. I'm okay that I don't plan for the 20 different things that happens. I've got an extra diaper. I've got a sippy cup to keep him hydrated. That's it. End of story. And I really appreciated that because at the end of the day,
04:49
The control patterns slip in and it just makes you frazzled because nothing is done the way you think it should be done. But actually that's your issue and it's not true. Things get done. The baby will survive. The kid will come back alive. It might not have a change of clothes. It might need a bath when it gets home, but that's all gay. You think by doing all of that, then you can relax after the fact.
05:17
And your nervous system's so fried that there's no relaxing. You just go into the doing. And I think you can apply this to a fertility journey and your fertility checklist. I remember having a conversation with one of the community members inside Fertile Energetics, and it was this realization that dawned on her that her to-do list, half of it she didn't even enjoy doing. And it doesn't matter. m
05:44
if the breath work, if the yoga, the spirit baby readings, all that. If you're in a pattern of control, then those things aren't gonna be nearly as supportive as you think they are. So it's really important to become aware of this and noticing these patterns matter. So this week isn't about stopping the control or taking the action to do differently.
06:13
It's about recognizing the moment that control steps in and you ask, is this actually making me feel safer or is it keeping my body in a low level state of tension? And that's where the frequency, the emotion matters way more than the doing. When control is driven by fear, urgency,
06:42
or self surveillance, it does not create safety. It creates vigilance. And vigilance feels like being all the time, even when you're resting, even when you're sleeping, even when you're doing something good for you. So this week, I want you to notice one moment where you tighten around the outcome, where you feel yourself monitoring, managing,
07:13
and just feel it, become aware of it, not to change it, not to analyze it, not to judge yourself, just to notice what your body is doing underneath all that control. Does your breath shorten? Does your chest tighten? Does your jaw clench without you even realizing it? That is the information you're looking for. That is the quiet moment in the mundane that can be
07:42
your radical awakening to how you are the ultimate creator of your reality. Because control that comes from true safety feels spacious. It feels calm. It doesn't rush. And control that comes from fear always feels urgent, even when it looks productive, spiritual, healthy. You know what I'm saying.
08:10
And again, this week, if you need a reminder, because when we are becoming the ultimate observer, when we want to change those patterns, get out of autopilot, we easily slip into the old, give yourself a reminder on your phone, put it on a sticky note, wear a bracelet, do something that is going to bring yourself back to, this is what I'm doing right now.
08:40
This is not loud. This is not demanding. Just a reminder, is this safety or is this tension? And when you notice, that's enough because then you will continue to notice and see it again and again. And once you become that ultimate observer, you will go, yep, I see it and now I'm ready to change it. So I hope this helps. I will see you next week for week three.
09:09
where we are going to go a little bit deeper with control in the mundane moments. And you're going to become radically aware of how it shows up in your everyday routine without you even noticing it. Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be.
09:31
Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent. I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below. And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time.
09:59
and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need.
