Truth #5: Mabel's Fear of Success

Monica is guiding you through a 10-week deep dive into these ten truths, peeling back the layers of chaos with practical tools, empowering insights, and her real-life experiences. Whether you’re feeling stuck in your fertility journey or wrestling with overwhelm and doubt in another area of life, these conversations offer a roadmap to healing and transformation. Tune in to the Finding Fertility Podcast and blog for more real talk, actionable steps, and the space to create the life you’ve been working so hard to build.

Why Grief Isn’t Failure: The Raw Truth About Infertility and Healing

5. Fear of Success Wait, success? On a fertility journey? Yep. Coherence aligns you with possibility, and that can be scary. What if it does work? What if your life actually changes? What if you become the mom you’ve been dreaming of? Growth means stepping into a version of yourself you don’t fully know yet. It’s exciting—and a little nerve-wracking. But guess what? You’re ready for her.

A Few Weeks Before Mable’s Failed IVF

Mabel let out a slow breath, staring at the screen. The Zoom call was winding down, but her thoughts were still racing.

This conversation had cracked something open. She had spent years untangling her past, peeling back layers, trying to understand why she was the way she was. But instead of feeling lighter, she felt more tangled up than ever.

Monica’s voice was gentle but steady. “Before we go… is there anything else heavy on your heart?”

Mabel hesitated, the words pressing at the back of her throat. But for once, she didn’t push them down. She took a deep breath, rubbed her temples, and finally admitted, “I thought digging into this stuff would help me feel lighter. But honestly? I just feel stuck.”

Monica tilted her head. “Stuck how?”

Mabel frowned, searching for the right words. “I know where this all comes from. I see how I learned to be a perfectionist, how I was always trying to do things the right way so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone. I even see how I shut myself down, never really speaking up about what I needed because I didn’t want to be too much. But… now what?”

Monique, arms crossed, jumped in. “Now you gotta ask yourself: If you were suddenly successful—like boom, pregnant—what would you do?”

Mabel blinked. “I mean… I’d be happy?”

Monique scoffed. “Sure. But then what? You’ve been chasing this for so long. What happens when the chase is over?”

Mabel’s stomach dropped. She didn’t have an answer.

Monica leaned in, her voice softer. “You said something interesting just now. You’ve been trying to do things the ‘right way’ your whole life. But Mabel… what if there is no ‘right way’ to do pregnancy?”

Mabel stiffened. “No, but there kind of is, right? I have to keep my stress down, eat the right foods, take the right supplements, avoid toxins, not overdo exercise but also move my body, track the baby’s progress but not obsess over it…”

She trailed off. Oh.

Monique smirked. “Yeah, you’re already freaking out about how to do it perfectly.”

Mabel swallowed. She was.

Monica nodded. “See, your fear isn’t just about failing. It’s about what happens if you actually get what you want. Because the second you do, your brain is going to latch onto a new panic: ‘Am I doing this right?’”

Monique leaned back, arms crossed. “Let’s be real, babe. Success? On a fertility journey? That’s some scary s*. You think fear is only about things not working? Ha. Try facing what happens if it does work. If your life actually changes. If you become the mom you’ve been dreaming of.”

Monica nodded. “Coherence aligns you with possibility, and that can be overwhelming. Growth means stepping into a version of yourself you don’t fully know yet. And when you don’t know her yet, it can feel… unsafe.”

Monique pointed at the screen. “Because right now? You’re Mabel, the woman who’s trying to get pregnant. That’s an identity. One you know, one you’ve been living in. But the second you cross that line—the second you’re holding that positive test, feeling that baby move—boom. New identity. And your brain? It freaks the f** out.”

Monica smiled softly. “That’s why so many women self-sabotage without even realizing it. They think they’re scared of never getting pregnant. But deep down? They’re scared of what happens if they do.”

Monique raised a brow. “Because then, what? Then you gotta actually be pregnant. And that means a whole new set of rules you think you have to follow. Another chance to mess up. Another way to fail. Your brain doesn’t see success as freedom—it sees it as another trap.”

Monica’s voice was steady. “But it’s not a trap. It’s just unfamiliar. And unfamiliar doesn’t mean unsafe.”

Mabel let out a slow breath. “So… what do I do?”

Monique grinned. “You learn how to chill the f*** out.”

Mabel rolled her eyes, but she knew Monique was right.

Monica folded her hands in front of her. “You’ve spent so long doing—researching, fixing, optimizing. But success requires something totally different: learning how to be.”

Mabel stared.

Monique raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like a nightmare for you, huh?”

Mabel groaned. “YES! I don’t know how to just be! I don’t know how to relax into success. If I stop doing… I feel like I’m not in control.”

Monica’s voice softened. “But what if that’s the exact thing keeping you from it?”

Mabel swallowed hard.

Monique smirked. “Yeah, babe. You came here for the truth, right? So here it is: Success isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing less. And that is some next-level terrifying s**—which is why so many women stay stuck AF. There’s no science to back that s*** up, and it feels uncomfortable as hell.”

Mabel exhaled, her shoulders slumping. “I’ve got some work to do.”

Monique’s smirk vanished. She pointed at the screen. “No. No, you don’t have ‘work to do.’ That’s the whole damn problem. You think there’s still some checklist, some missing piece, some final thing you have to fix before you can finally let go. But guess what? There isn’t.”

Mabel opened her mouth, then closed it. Her stomach twisted. She wanted to argue, to insist she still had more layers to peel back, more things to get right. But… didn’t that just prove Monique’s point?

Monica leaned in, her voice calm but firm. “Mabel, think back. You’ve already put practices in place—ones that help you. This isn’t about adding more. It’s about being consistent with what already works.”

Mabel blinked.

She had been looking for another solution. Another tweak, another strategy, another way to keep her hands on the wheel. But the truth was, she didn’t need more. She needed to trust what she already had.

The realization hit like a gut punch.

Monique crossed her arms. “You don’t need another breakthrough, babe. You just need to use what you already know. Over and over and over again. Until it’s not something you do—it’s just who you are.”

Mabel swallowed. That? That felt bigger than any new strategy ever could.

“But… what if it’s not enough?”

Monique snorted. “Classic Mabel. You always think the answer is to do more, when really, you just need to trust what you’re already doing.”

Monica nodded. “Radical honesty, consistency, and using the right modality for the moment. That’s your path forward.”

Mabel inhaled slowly. She had been meditating, journaling, and practicing awareness. She had been shifting her mindset, learning to listen to her intuition.

But was she actually trusting it?

Or was she still searching for the next thing to fix her?

Monique raised an eyebrow. “What’s the best tool for this moment?”

Mabel hesitated. Then, she closed her eyes and exhaled. “Breathwork.”

Monica smiled. “Good. So instead of spiraling, do what you know helps. Again and again, until it becomes who you are.”

Mabel opened her eyes, determination flickering behind the fear.

She wasn’t stuck. She just needed to trust herself.

Monique grinned. “Now you’re getting it.”

Monica leaned back, her tone shifting. “Mabel, I just want to say—you’re doing amazing. This? This is by far the hardest thing to do. And that’s why most people don’t choose it. It’s why it’s usually the last thing women turn to after years of searching.

“I know, because I was forced into it. I didn’t choose this path at first—I got here because medical treatment had done everything it could. It was eight years, Mabel. Eight years of infertility. After my last medical treatment, after my last miscarriage, I had to push into showing up in the way I knew best. Because of my consistent action, I finally saw results.

"We all long for that magical unicorn natural pregnancy. But the real magic happens when we stop chasing and start trusting. You’re already there, Mabel."

Mabel swallowed. She wanted to believe that. But the panic was still there, a hum of unease under her skin. The need to do something still buzzed in her chest, restless and demanding.

Monica studied her for a moment, then gave a small nod—like she already knew exactly what was happening inside her. "Let’s go deeper."

Mabel hesitated. “Deeper, how?”

"Close your eyes," Monica said gently.

Mabel hesitated, then obeyed.

“Take a deep breath in… and slowly exhale.”

Her breath came out a little shaky.

“Again. In… and out.”

Her body softened slightly.

“Now,” Monica continued, her voice slow and even, “I want you to imagine a figure eight, looping from the left side of your brain to the right. Over and over. With every breath, let that pattern smooth out the noise, the overthinking, the need to do more.”

Mabel tried to visualize it—a glowing ribbon of light, moving from left to right, weaving in an endless loop. At first, it felt forced. But as she kept breathing, the movement became natural, rhythmic.

Monica’s voice guided her. “Now, let that figure eight expand—bringing the loop down, connecting your brain to your heart. A continuous flow, mind to heart, heart to mind.”

Mabel’s breath deepened.

Monique, surprisingly quiet for once, murmured, “Yeah. There you go.”

Mabel let the pattern settle in, the tension in her chest loosening, her mind quieting. The panic—the part of her screaming that she still needed to do something—was fading.

“Now,” Monica said gently, “I want you to bring up the part of you that still believes you need to do more to be successful. Maybe she’s a version of you from the past. Maybe she’s just a feeling. Don’t force it—just see what comes up.”

At first, there was nothing. Just the swirl of usual overthinking. But then, an image surfaced—13-year-old Mabel, sitting on the edge of her bed, her hands clenched into fists in her lap.

Monica’s voice was steady. “Where is she?”

Mabel swallowed. “My room. It’s late. I just got back from soccer practice, and I have a history test tomorrow. I was exhausted, but… I stayed up anyway, trying to memorize everything.”

Monique’s voice cut in. “Why?”

Mabel sighed. “Because I had to get it right. I had to. I felt like if I didn’t, I’d be letting everyone down—my parents, my coach, my teachers. If I wasn’t perfect at school, at sports, at everything… then what was I?”

Monica nodded. “And if you failed that test?”

Mabel’s throat tightened. “Then I wasn’t good enough.”

A long pause.

Monica’s voice softened. “And what does 13-year-old Mabel need to hear right now?”

Mabel swallowed hard. She could see the younger version of herself so clearly—tired, anxious, alone in her own head.

She inhaled deeply, feeling the figure eight still moving through her, from brain to heart.

She whispered, You don’t have to do everything perfectly to be worthy.

Her chest ached.

Monica’s voice was gentle but firm. “Can you tell her again?”

Mabel’s lip trembled. You don’t have to earn love through achievement. You’re already enough.

She let out a shaky exhale.

Monique’s tone was softer than usual. “What does she do?”

Mabel blinked back tears. “She… relaxes. Just a little. Like she’s finally letting go.”

Monica smiled. “Good. Now, bring her with you. Imagine her stepping into the present with you—right here, right now. She doesn’t have to stay stuck in the past.”

Mabel inhaled, picturing it. That 13-year-old version of herself, no longer hunched over in stress, but standing beside her, softer, relieved.

The figure eight still flowed between her brain and her heart, steady and connected.

Monique smirked. “See? You don’t fix it. You feel it. And then? You f***ing move forward.”

Mabel exhaled, her chest suddenly lighter.

Monica’s eyes twinkled. “Still feel stuck?”

Mabel opened her eyes, a slow smile creeping onto her lips.

“No. Not anymore.”

She felt the figure eight still moving through her—a quiet, steady reminder that she didn’t have to control everything. She just had to stay connected.

Mabel swallowed, something tight and unspoken loosening in her chest.

She wasn’t sure what she had expected from this call, but it wasn’t this. She had come in feeling tangled, desperate for answers. And somehow, without giving her anything new, Monica and Monique had given her everything.

She exhaled, slower this time. “Thanks, guys. Really.”

Monique winked. “Don’t get all mushy on us now, babe.”

Monica smiled. “You’ve got this.”

The call ended, and Mabel sat there for a long moment, staring at her reflection on the dark screen.

The old urge kicked in—reach for her notebook, find a new plan, do something.

But instead, she closed her eyes and placed a hand on her heart.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Maybe, just maybe… trusting herself wasn’t so impossible after all.

Subject: A Little Reminder, Mabel

Hello Mabel,

I just wanted to follow up after our call and remind you of something important: you’re doing amazing.

I know this work isn’t easy. In fact, it’s probably the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Not because it requires more effort, but because it asks you to let go—of the constant doing, the second-guessing, the belief that you need to earn your way to success.

You don’t need more. You already have everything you need. Now, it’s just about trusting it.

Radical honesty. Consistency. Using the tools you already know work.

That’s it.

And remember—you don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to keep showing up for yourself.

Your Action Step

Over the next few weeks, I want you to start catching yourself—whether it’s in the feeling phase (that creeping pressure that tells you to do more) or when you’re already deep in the doing. When you notice it, pause. Take a step back. Do the complete opposite—even if just for a few moments.

If you’re obsessing over getting something right? Walk away and breathe.
If you’re running through the “next steps” in your head? Stop and feel into your heart.
If you’re caught in the loop of trying to fix yourself? Remind yourself—you are already enough.

It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Even a few seconds of choosing a new way is rewiring your system.

Your Reminder

Put a picture of your 13-year-old self somewhere you’ll see it often. Consider her in ICU for the next few weeks—Intensive Compassion Unit. Every time you look at her, pause. Give her a hug. Tell her what she needed to hear back then:

"You are perfect just the way you are."
"You are loved just the way you are."
"You are already enough."

Let this be your practice—not doing more, but being with her.

Breathe. Be. Trust. ALL MY FINGERS AND TOES ARE CROSSED FOR A SUCCESS IVF!! Big Hug.

You’ve got this, Mabel.

We’re doing This Together 💚
Monica

Finding Fertility

P.S. If that little voice in your head starts whispering that you need one more thing to finally get it right—come back to your breath. You already know what to do.

Listen to the Podcast: From Infertility Chasing to Fertile Trusting: The Real Mindset Shift for Fertility Succes

Truth # 4: Mabel's Buried Emotional Baggage

Truth # 3: Mable's Hustle Trap: Put the To-Do List Down

Truth # 2: Overthinking, Worry & Fear: How Mabel Found Peace in Her Thoughts

Truth # 1: The Illusion of Control

Grieving Together: 10 Things Monica Sees in Mabel’s Journey That Are Causing Unnecessary Chaos

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Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨