Thriving After A Miscarriage During Infertility | Jodi Sky Rogers

“It was frustrating doing everything I was told but it still wasn't working.”

Topics Discussed:

• How infertility issues are often grouped all in the same category.
• Coming to terms with staying in your depression or making changes.
• How support and sharing benefit us on our journey.
• Giving yourself the space to grieve.

The process of going through infertility issues and miscarriages is a long and often lonely road.  In this episode, I talk with Jodi Sky Rogers who talks with us on how we need to allow ourselves to grieve and work through our sadness in a healthy way. 

We dive into acknowledging the heartbreak that this journey leads us through so that we can respond in a way that is healing for us. Nurturing our minds and bodies is essential for our well being and we have to place emphasis and take the time out for ourselves. 

“When I nurture my body it serves me better.”

We tend to focus on the tasks to be done, and the next step, rather than slowing down and examining how we are doing.  We discuss different ways that we can heal our souls and minds.

And above all else we talk about how you are not alone.  It can feel so isolating going through these things if you have no one to share your emotions, feelings, and pain with, and we dive into how important it is to plug into a community.

“Having other people to support you is one of the most valuable things to have on this journey.” 

Connect with Jodi Sky Rogers:

Website: https://jodiskyrogers.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefertilemoon/

Listen here: Thriving After A Miscarriage During Infertility | Jodi Sky Rogers

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Full Transcript: 

:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to finding fertility Happy Friday all welcome back to another episode of finding fertility. I'm your host Monica Cox from finding fertility.co Now today I wanted to offer a special discount code for the listeners U of finding fertility podcast for the baby and me journal. Now if you haven't seen this journal over on Instagram or heard me talking about it here on the podcast, the baby me journal is the ultimate journal for your journey to parenthood. Now I started creating this journal on my last frozen embryo transfer. This was probably about a while, probably two, maybe three years into my own practice of journaling. And I was using the five minute journaling technique of waking up and writing down three things that I was grateful for, and a little affirmation and I wanted to bring this into a space where I can also track my fertility journey, what I was eating my cycles, my treatments, the days I needed to take the drugs, all that type of stuff at the at the time, didn't realise how impactful this journal was actually going to be. I got to record a big fat positive with the last two embryos that we had on ice. This was eight years after we started trying to conceive. And unfortunately six weeks later, I had to record an early miscarriage, any miscarriage at any time or loss of a child is devastating, even getting a negative pregnancy tests on an IVF or every month after month after month. But this was the end for us, you know, the eight years and we were walking away from medical treatment, and we were walking away from all things trying to conceive I was not going to track I was I was done. And I was still going to keep up my lifestyle though I saw the impact of my overall health and what it did for me, obviously to even have our first child through IVF, I would have never got pregnant with my own eggs. If I didn't change up my lifestyle, I continued using the journal because the journal is set up to be able to use it to the very end, it's not overly heavily trying to conceive. So I kept using it and recording, you know, my life with my child. And to be able to record a natural pregnancy was beyond belief. And I didn't realise that I was going to really need that journal over the next four months. Because as crazy as it sounds, I was really pissed off. I was really mad that this information of diet and lifestyle was not out there at the time, and that no doctor told me or suggested to me that maybe my gut health issues, you know, the way I was eating my lifestyle, my stress levels was actually having a really big impact on my fertility. So I really needed this journal through those first four months to just tone back the anger and channel that into a positive and I saw that benefit. And I just had to produce this journal for other women to use. Because as much as we think that you know, the two pink lines are going to bring us automatic joy from personal experience, not only with the miscarriages, but with the natural pregnancy. I know that is not true. So if you want to start a really simple practice in your life, that you bring a little joy and change up your brainwaves at night. This is what it's all about to focus on what is going good in your life right now. Because even though infertility sucks, we know that we have a lot of joy in our life and we just really need to highlight that and if you want to track what you're eating your doctor's appointment, you know it's your your natural cycles, your medicated cycles, your postpartum days, your pregnancy days before your postpartum days. This journal has it all. So here's the discount code. It is simple, it's Baby and Me all typed out capitalised and if you go to finding fertility.co backslash Baby and Me journal you will find the journal click the links put in the code I'll pop it in the post for you and you can get started on a really simple but very powerful practice a retraining your brain to find the joy in the Now today on the podcast we have Jody Skye Rogers if you are not following her on IG I highly suggest it she is one of the accounts that I follow i as you guys know if you're over on IG I follow a small handful of people to keep my mental health safe and be inspired because I think that's what social media is all about. And Jody is still going through her journey and she brings so much soul and like radiates. I think I go on to her how am I Instagram stalk her a little bit, but she just brings so much love and joy and soulfulness into her journey that it just radiates through her Instagram account. So

5:29
if you would like more of that in your life, I highly suggest going and following her over on IG. So without further ado, let's get to the interview. Welcome back to another episode of finding fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox. And today I have a very special guest. It is Jody now I follow Jody on Instagram. And I absolutely love her account. If you follow me on Instagram, you might have noticed I don't follow many people because I'm very protective of my space. And I need inspiration. And Jodi's count is so, so inspirational, I feel I feel she projects her love and her energy and her soul through her pictures and her words. So welcome to the podcast, Jodi.

6:16
Hi, Monica, thanks so much for having me. And I really appreciate that. That means a lot. But I actually started my Instagram account as a gratitude journal. And somewhere along the line, I started sharing a bit about my fertility journey, because I felt very isolated. So it's been quite amazing to meet so many different people who share the journals and just get so much positive feedback. It really means a lot. Yeah. And your full name is Jody Skye. Rogers, is that correct? That's my pen name.

6:49
Okay. It's an amazing pen name. It's a beautiful pen name, because you're an

6:56
Aquarius is a sign. So the sky is something that represents my energy.

7:02
Oh, fantastic. Because you're an author. Is that correct?

7:06
Yes. I've been writing since I was a kid. And it's just I'm not the best speaker. And I'm not the greatest person at expressing myself. So writing has always been my form of self expression. I studied to become an environmental scientist, I worked in that field for a while. And basically, as a hobby, I started writing articles for magazines. And I was very interested in personal development and spiritual development. So I started submitting those kinds of articles. And somewhere along the line, I wasn't really fulfilled in the environmental field. And I worked in social development and HIV awareness for a while. And it was a very, very rewarding, but also very draining. And it was interesting to see how people needed some kind of healing, and especially when you're working with really difficult social issues, and things like HIV and AIDS and the environmental degradation and stuff, it takes its toll on you as a person. And you're given a lot of energy in trying to improve the environment and other people's lives. But there's so many people who weren't trained themselves and needed someone to help guide them and take care of themselves. So I started writing about those kinds of things. And eventually I became a life coach and an energy healer, because I felt that I could help these people who are trying to do their best to make the world a better place, but they themselves need help. So that's kind of thing that I wrote about. My first two books are about women, spirituality and personal development. First one is wild essence. And the second one is flowering within. Because I love nature. I drew a lot of alien analogies from nature as well. While I was a life coach and energy healer, I began my own fertility journey. And at time, I thought that people just know you got married, you decided to have family and that was it. You just had a baby. I don't know of anyone who struggled to conceive. I think we were married for I've been married 11 years, I think it was about three or four years into our marriage. We we started travelling, and the first month that I tried to conceive ahead of a chemical pregnancy. So that was the first time where I realised okay, it may not happen the way I wanted to. And from there, I went to a doctor to try and find out okay, what is the issue? Could they be a problem, or was it just a chance happening and what have you, I think it was about three months into the journey. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. At the time, this was about eight years ago, there wasn't a lot of information on polycystic ovarian syndrome. So the only guidance that I got was it may be difficult for you to conceive. Usually what we do to manage this condition is put someone on the pool and contraceptives to balance the hormones, but because you're trying to conceive, that's not an option. And I was basically told Maybe if you lose a little bit of weight that will help. So I did what I could with the information that I had, I went to a nutritionist, I went to different doctors and nothing seemed to really work. So through that first year of trying to conceive, it was basically sifting through the information that I was given, which really wasn't enough and trying to figure out what exactly the issue was. At one point. When I went back for checkups, they found that my testosterone was really high, I was referred to an endocrinologist and I spent a year with her and been referred to different people because they couldn't figure out what the issue was. So in the beginning, they thought that I had a tumour. And they couldn't explain exactly why my hormones were out of whack. I later discovered that when I found the right health professionals that I think the people who I was working with initially just didn't have an understanding of polycystic ovarian syndrome. And were looking for the wrong thing. And I kept going for all kinds of tests, looking for something and not quite understanding what I needed to do to balance myself. And to become more fertile in order to have a child during that period, I realised that I had to take some control over my journey and empower myself. So I started looking for books looking for information on the internet. And eventually, that led me to a natural path. And Obama's coach who I worked with for a couple of years, and I got the most value out of working with them, because they tested for hormones that not only we start with, doctors had never tested for before. And they gave me a very clear idea of what I needed to do, how I needed to change my lifestyle management, stress, and change my diet, in order to bring myself back into balance,

11:56
which is for our listeners, you're in South Africa, do you have any knowledge? Or do you feel that the medical system there is maybe behind in times or or just kind of with the norm of other places in the world,

12:11
I think it is with the norm of, of different places in the world. Sometimes it just depends on the practitioner that you're working with. Because a lot of times and I think that it's often the case, when you have a condition like mine, with polycystic ovarian syndrome, you don't really get listened to. And you get a vague vague guideline on what you're supposed to do in order to balance your hormones. And you sent away with that information. It's kind of like a one size fits all. And what I had to realise is that the information I was getting wasn't specific to me. And because PCOS manifests in so many different ways, it's not the same for everyone having the personal attention of a wellness coach and a naturopath helped me figure out what exactly my imbalance was, and how to bring that back into balance.

13:05
I only bring it up because I've never been to South Africa. So I didn't want to make any judgments on their medical system. But I find it the same in the United Kingdom and in America. Those are the two places that I've had my most dealings with doctors. And I think a lot of people in the infertility world just get this diagnosis. And they are lumped up in the you know, whatever category they're in endometriosis, PCOS unexplained. And you're treated the same, where the knowledge is now coming out, especially with PCOS, that there's different types of PCOS. So you can't just say to someone lose weight, it doesn't work that way. restricting your calories and exercising really hard is probably one of the worst things you can do when you have PCOS. And the same thing with like, unexplained infertility and when you're dealing with autoimmune issues, is really looking at the individual and finding out what they need and working with them and supporting them in their journey.

14:04
In my case, I think there were two aspects of this journey. The one was the the physical journey and trying to figure out what was going on. And it was very frustrating, especially in the initial years, not being fully aware of what the problem is, and feeling like I was doing everything that I was told, but it still wasn't working. And then there's the emotional fallout of the SDN is, you feel like you fail in something that's supposed to be so simple for women to do and you start berating yourself. And this is the grief that comes with the losses along the way and just the frustration and stuckness of that. So I reached the really, after that whole ordeal of going through these tests and not quite understanding what the issue was. And then we have in a shift where I started to take more control and learn more myself and start applying that and make little lifestyle It started changes. In 2014, I fell pregnant. It was at the end of this year of all these medical tests and what have you are not getting clarity. I think towards the end of that year, I started making the changes. And I remember there was a specific test for testosterone that wasn't available in the country that I had to wait a few months for, I think there have to be 10 people who order that hormone test in order for it to be imported into the country. During that time I made lifestyle changes. And then I went back for this big test that I've been waiting for. And suddenly, my testosterone was normal. So that's that, show me that. Okay, what I'm doing for myself is working. And I needed to investigate the lifestyle changes that I was making, and how that was working for me and keep doing more of the same thing. So after that, a few months later, I felt pregnant. And it was a massive shock, because I thought I was still working on improving myself, I didn't feel like I was healthy enough for something to happen. And a few weeks after that, I miscarried. So that was a big emotional luck. But at the same time, it also showed me that I was on the right path. And I think, unfortunately, because I didn't really have the tools to cope with that loss and the trauma of it, I fell into depression, and I stopped doing everything that I was doing. And it took me over a year to get back to a place where I had to decide for myself, Okay, do I want to stay stuck in this depression? Or do I want to carry on doing the right thing and get closer to having a baby, I was set on having a natural pregnancy. And it may end up being a situation where I have to still go for IVF, or fertility treatment or what have you. But at least the work that I put in will put me in a better space, health wise and a very emotional space, in order to conceive a child with it is naturally all through assisted fertility. And I had to really take a moment to say, Okay, I'm a life coach and helping women find work life balance and work through whatever emotional issues, why am I not applying these tools to myself, and I have everything that I need to kind of help myself heal from the loss and deal with the emotional turmoil of this whole situation, and basically decided to start creating little resources for myself during that from my work, and applying it to my fertility situation. And that's at the point where I started sharing more about my journey. And I was quite amazed to start discovering other women who were going through the same thing. It's

17:46
shifting, I think people sharing about infertility. I know my journey was about 13 years ago. Now I want to say and at that time, probably like yourself, I didn't know anyone who was dealing with infertility, and there was no Instagram. No, there was no sharing on that, then it's very interesting place to get to where you feel comfortable enough to share. And I think that's different for everyone. But I think for the most part is that you want to share it to feel normal to say this is okay. And I don't think you have that in your head per se but I think in your subconscious, your if you put it out there, it kind of normalises it, and then all of a sudden, especially now with social media, it is normal. You know, unfortunately, it's normal, other people are going through the same exact things that you are going through and finding that connection and being able to support each other is is one of the most valuable things to have during this journey. Because before when you are isolated and lonely, it only compresses all of the negativity, doesn't it? And it just builds up and builds up. So when you're able to say it out loud and journal about it on your Instagram page, it's a form of release a big release. I don't know if people realise with your journey, how valuable was your knowledge of what you had to your journey? How do you think that it's empowered you to keep going to keep trying?

19:24
I think it's been so valuable. For instance, as a coach, you kind of turn to when you're working with a client asked questions when they're stuck in a situation. So it shifts the thinking and reframes the way that they think and I really took that on board in my own experiences. I think it's Dr. John Demartini says the quality of your life is defined by the quality of the questions that you asked. So I started asking myself different questions instead of why the or, you know, that kind of thing. What Am I learning in this situation? What makes me feel more empowered? And at my lowest point, the thing that I kept asking myself is, what is the most healing and nurturing thing that I can do for myself right now? And that was a very empowering question to ask. Because often when you overwhelmed by grief, or just the frustration of the situation, everything feels so much, and you can't see a way out, just ask myself that question. What is the most healing thing or nurturing thing for me to do right now was a bit of a relief, because it's only one thing that I have to focus on. And whatever the answer is, I focus on that for the moment. And then that carries me through to the next moment where I either ask that question again, or ask a different question. Also, for me, having an understanding of how to apply mindfulness and meditation and that kind of thing was amazing in just releasing stress. And bringing me back to myself, there are little things that I'd been teaching other women to do, that I had been kind of a plan. But for some reason, there was a lot of shame and resistance in my fertility journey that I didn't bring these tools over. And when I started to do that, I started to find ways to rebuild my self worth to just reconnect with myself and reconnect with my body. And I think that the reconnecting with my body thing is also very empowering and important thing, because when you feel like you're broken, and your body's betraying you, and it's just not doing the things that it's supposed to do, you disconnect from it. But the important lesson I had to learn is that when I stay connected to my body, and nurture my body, and help it heal, it serves me better. So those were very important things for me.

21:49
And some of the hardest things to do as well. I mean, you had the knowledge you had the training, you did it for other women, and to do it to yourself is it's just so hard. And I think that's why people struggle when they're trying to do this on their own. They struggle, and they make their journey longer. And I know that was me, for sure, because I didn't really hook up with anyone to help me mentally and emotionally. So I only hooked up with a functional medicine practitioner that didn't most of the diet stuff. And he obviously touched base on meditation and yoga and stuff. But it took me another few years to realise that it's not just about the food, like your mental and emotional drives you and if you're not taking care of that, you're subconsciously sabotaging yourself, you are frustrated that you've been on this really strict diet for three months, and you haven't got pregnant, so it must not work. And you know, instead of taking deep breaths and slowing down and realising that this is a process and having that support, and having someone to guide you through that and be a sounding board and have that community, it's really easy to just not do it. Let's come up to last year, I followed your journey where you got pregnant, and you can you tell us about that journey.

23:10
Last year. It was Feb Feb March of upliftment, building up to that period, I felt like I was having the most amazing year of my life. Because I just thought that I was I'd really come back to myself. And everything that I'd been practising had had such a beneficial effect on rebuilding my sense of self, and I was the healthiest I've ever been. And finally started doing things that I always wanted to do. I went for dance classes, and I started doing aerial yoga, which was really amazing. And I wasn't as focused on trying to conceive as I was before, I was just really enjoying the moment and enjoying being in my own skin and my own life. Then I got pregnant, and it was just the most amazing feeling. And with previous pregnancies, I think it was always clear that something wasn't quite right. I always had like bleeding and cramping. And I felt like my fertility was improving. But this wasn't going to be the pregnancy that lasted this time. I felt like everything was right. And it was such a beautiful experience that I remember I was doing a lot of yoga during that time. It's a weird thing because I felt like I felt the connection to my spirit baby and to the soul of the child just before I got pregnant, and I felt like something wonderful was about that. And then it happened and it seemed like this was going to be the baby that stuck. And interestingly, the baby's due date was my husband's birthday. So it really felt like it was meant to be it was very nerve wracking considering the fact that I've had pregnancy losses before and I had to wait. I think it was at the end of my eight weeks to get my first scan. And I did everything that I could to stay grounded and positive and relaxed during that period. And then at the eight week scan, we discovered that it's an ectopic pregnancy. And it was completely devastating. I think, firstly, the feeling that this is it, this is the time that it's going to happen for us. And feeling that connection to the baby. And even just seeing the scan and the heartbeat in and it's seemed like this child is firing. But somehow I was failing to give them a safe space to be. So I went for the scan, and we discovered it's ectopic. And because it was at an advanced stage, and there was already a heart and that kind of thing. The doctor recommended going for surgery, the baby was implanted in my right fallopian tube. So with the surgery, I lost my fallopian tube as well. And that was a whole other animal to deal with. So after this experience, I didn't know that it was I mean, I've heard about ectopic pregnancies, and know that it was life threatening, because I didn't have any symptoms, it was so hard to get my mind around, I didn't feel like it was real. I felt like they made a mistake. And especially when you see the scan, and it looks like the child is throwing everything in your tanzu know that it has to be a mistake. They know I went for the surgery. And I think the trauma of the surgery as and the way that everything happened was just so much harder to deal with them past miscarriages. And it's something that I've discovered that several of the women I've spoken to have had topic pregnancies that there's a sense of peace with a miscarriage, even though it's devastating to lose your baby, because it feels like a natural process. But with the ectopic you kind of feel like you've done something wrong, and you're making a mistake. So you're not doing your job as the mother you hope to be to protect your child. And then the shock of the fact that it was life threatening, and realising like for me, I only discovered after the surgery how much blood at last, and how dangerous it actually was for me. And then the physical aspect of recovering from the surgery added a different level of trauma that I hadn't experienced before. So I think for me, this was a lot harder to deal with than with past miscarriages and chemical pregnancy. Yeah, I

27:44
mean, my heart absolutely breaks listening to the story. Try Not to Cry, anyone who's dealt with infertility, and especially if you're using IVF treatment, you you see a lot of your insights, you know, you get a lot of scans inside you. And the moment you finally see a heartbeat, no one can prepare you for that. That's like, you know, you always know it's life before, you know, the moment that the eight comes out. That is life. But the heartbeat is something different, like you said is twofold. It's your life and your child's life. And it's not a choice, you don't have a choice, there is no there's no percentage that maybe the baby will safely grow inside of you. You know how sometimes you get you know, some people are given, you know, there's no there is no choice that has to be one of the most powerless feelings ever to go through and make those decisions. So yet my heart totally goes out for you. Do you feel like putting in the practices that you have over the last few years? Were you able to mentally survive this?

28:59
It's a very bizarre thing to reach the other side of it, will you realise after going through your lowest low that, okay, I'm actually starting to feel okay. And I didn't I thought this was the one thing that was just gonna break me. But it was very hard, like because it happens so fast. It was in a space of two days. Everything was amazing. And then suddenly, I didn't have a baby anymore. And I was coming home from the hospital. I felt that the worst was behind me when I got home from the hospital. And I thought because I'd experienced loss before that, I would know exactly how to deal with it. But those first two weeks afterwards, I was completely lost. I couldn't get out of bed. Every night I struggled to sleep and I had this. This heaviness. I felt like I was disappearing into the bed. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't find the energy to find to do normal things and And I think get into that effect, low place really scared me, I was scared that I was going to stay that way that there was going to be nothing that was going to help me fix myself or heal or move past this. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt that, okay, if this was the only experience of life that my baby had, I can't let the short life translate into the state of depression, I wanted that life to mean something. So that was my motivation to say, Okay, I need to start figuring how I'm gonna move out of this space and get back to myself to give their life significance, because for a few weeks, it was really an experience of joy. And I want that to be what I remember. And the other thing was that the idea of being in a constant state of debilitating grief was just a scary thing like that this could be all my life was. So that motivated me to start thinking about how am I going to move forward. So one of the things that I came up with was to create a 40 days of healing process for myself, where each day I had to do just one or two things that would help me move through the loss helped me heal or something positive and inspiring to focus on. So I didn't want it to be a structured programme kind of thing. I just wanted

31:40
to give myself the responsibility of trying to do one positive thing a day to help myself. And I made a list of all of the tools that are currently in our meditation kind of therapy, or therapy, gardening gloves, things that I love, and all of the things that have helped me before. And instead, I just had to do one or two things. Some days, it was within poetry that mirrored like the emotions of sorrow or what have you. But I was really, Sunday's, I express what I was feeling through doing watercolours or colouring pages. Some days, I do meditations. And each day, it was something different. And as time went on, I started to feel lighter. So I understood that my grave wouldn't be limited to the timeframe of 40 days. But during those four days, I was taking responsibility for myself, and just doing little things, from moment to moment, or from day to day to move forward. And that had a really profound effect, I think, because a few weeks in, then I started to feel like, oh, okay, it's easy to get out of it, it's easier to do the things that I need to do, it's easier to start feeling hopeful again, and focus on on the future. And one of the really profound things that really, that opened my eyes to what I think a lot of women go through, but it's an unspoken thing is that when you have an early pregnancy with us, there isn't a process for closure. We don't have a funeral as you do if you lost a loved one. And a lot of people don't actually share that they're pregnant, because you're waiting for the 12 week mark where everything's supposed to be okay. So you go through this loss in isolation, and you carry a lot of shame about it. And you can't share or express what you're feeling with other people. I had gotten the ebook, I think it's called the baby last Bible, we, the author suggested having a grief really served me. And my husband and I had the sermon, we sat down to the meditation and wrote a letter to our baby. And then we lit some candles and created a little red bath with candles and flowers to say thank you for for choosing us, and we love you and the sound couldn't predict you and that kind of thing. And that was such, it's had such a profound effect. And it was a major shift for us that after doing that there was this sense of release that, okay, now we can start moving forward, but didn't realise until that moment that that is something that's missing from a lot of people's grieving process, because you go through this thing by yourself, and you never give yourself the space to express that grief and to honour the life of the child. Yeah,

34:43
100% I had to early losses, and you're absolutely right. You know, half the people didn't even know I was pregnant. And I mean, we all view losses differently. And I know I was really grateful because when I did have them My, my first loss was my first pregnancy. So after six years of trying to conceive, I finally got pregnant, and I had a missed miscarriage. So I went for the eight week scan, and there was no heartbeat. And around the same time, we had two friends lost their little girls at three months, both different situations. And it was a very weird sensation to have for myself that I felt grateful that it ended early. And I know that's awful to say. But when you are pregnant, the more time goes on, the closer the bond, you know, like you, that is your baby every step of the way. And I think you're so right with early pregnancies. And maybe I didn't realise I was doing it. But maybe I was just guarding myself thinking those things, maybe I wasn't allowing myself to grieve my loss because I didn't feel it was as emotional or as pain as painful as my friends loss. So I shouldn't maybe shut myself down, and not let myself grieve over my own loss, which is just the same. It was a baby, it was our baby. And even though maybe we didn't see the heartbeat, or it didn't, you know, it wasn't born, it was still a life. And I think you're so right on about those early losses, that they're treated by society different as well.

36:20
I think we tend to compare the degrees of grief or the degree of loss. And we have the sense that if a child is older, or if you're further along in the pregnancy, it's still hard. But it doesn't mean that your grief in early pregnancy or whatever stage isn't valid, you still go into an experience. And that's something that you need to process and acknowledge and honour and release in some way. Yeah,

36:49
100%. And I think that's just really important to let our listeners know in our community know that a loss is a loss, and not to compare ourselves either, you know, I was totally guilty of that of comparing my loss with someone else's loss to maybe hide my pain. How are you now? What are you doing now with this? I know you're writing a new book.

37:14
Yeah, I basically tried as much as I could to document my experience after the ectopic class. And I've been busy turning that into a book called mending softly. So I'm hoping that that will be done and out in the next couple of months. I think that it was really a cathartic process. And this experience after the topic class opened my eyes to the different stages of grief, I guess, because I didn't know it was just so different from the miscarriages that I experienced before. And I don't know exactly why it was so easy for me to move forward before, even though I did experience depression and that kind of thing, compared to what I had to deal with now. So I really wanted to examine and document that process and share my journey with other people. I've been working on creating different resources that have helped me one of the things that I'm passionate about is T meditations because that's something I've been doing for many years. So I created a little Kindle book, called Daily cap, fertility calm. And it's basically for the two week wait, that's the period of time I feel we experience a lot of stress and anxiety, whether it's after IVF or after your ovulation that what have you. And this has been a way to help me keep my mind focused on something calm for at least a portion of my day, during that period. And started over a 15 day period, where there's a devotional and guideline on how to do a team meditation each day. So you read the devotional, and then meditate on that when you sipping your tea and this mindfully been in your own space. And then the third project I'm working on is a colour in journal, which is called the fertility calm, creative journal. And I'm hoping that that will be out in the next two weeks. One of the things that I realised is that sometimes we get so focused on trying to conceive that we don't actually use this time to think about the experience of motherhood and the experience of pregnancy and what we want that to be like. So I've put together a lot of journaling prompts, to have questions to ask yourself, What kind of mother Do you want to be? What kind of memories do you want to create with your child? How do you want to feel during your pregnancy? Little things like that working on your relationship with your partner so that things don't, you know, your fertility stuff doesn't overwhelm your relationship and little meditation affirmations and Cohen pages to just focus on visualise and relax while you try to conceive.

40:07
Yeah, I mean, that's important. And it's probably one of the things most people don't do. We sometimes don't even allow ourselves to say when we get pregnant. But changing that shift and changing the way you think and the way you speak and the way you write about your future, it's shifting the universe of where you're going. So it's not like a magic spell. It doesn't. It's not hocus pocus. But what it does is it changes your subconscious to believing Oh, I'm going to be a mother, okay? Now I'm going to now do the physical things I need to do to become a mother, you know, it's keeping up the diet, keeping up the lifestyle, keeping up the meditation, the journaling, if you're sat there telling yourself, I can't get pregnant, I can't do this, I'll never be a mother. Your subconscious will prove you, right. And so you start self sabotaging yourself. So that's great that people have a resource to really encourage them to do that. Thank you so much for sharing your your journey. It's such an amazing journey. And you're such a light to have hope that, you know, you can get through this. It is hard, and you have to work hard. But if you keep going day after day after day, you will see the results. Are you keeping up with your diet and your lifestyle now?

41:31
Yeah, I have been, I think, because we went away on holiday in March, a few months. So since we've gotten back, we've gotten back into that mindset of okay, we eat in for fertility, health, and lockdown has slowed down our lifestyle. So we've got more time to focus on ourselves. Most of the fertility doctors and that kind of thing are not operational at the moment. So I've basically said to myself, I think that for the rest of 2020, we'll just be focusing on being balanced and nourishing our bodies nourishing ourselves, and then we'll move forward when things open up again. So it's just about, I guess, infertility is a waiting room. And it's about being in comfortable and finding the best way to utilise your time and focus your energy during that time. And I'm trying to practice that as much as possible. I do think one thing that I've learned is that the process of trying to become a mother is teaching me to mother myself. So that's what I'm focusing on. In the meantime, how am I nurturing myself, and filling up my own tank so that I have more to give my child when they eventually come?

42:51
That's amazing, because I do believe most of us don't actually really know how to Mother ourselves very well. And we tend to put ourselves on the backburner. And even when you learn it, it's still a process. You still have to keep fighting every single day for your mental health, even after you reach your ultimate goal, whatever that is, it's still keeping up those practices. And I've noticed in my own life, my practices have gone on the wayside because I have two kids now and I have a you know, a fertility health coach, and I have a husband and we've all been locked down. And I can tell I can feel it in my body, in my mind, I can feel when those practices go, you know, everything else kind of slowly trickles out as well. And now that I know what my infertility issues were, I can see why I was dealing with infertility because I wasn't taking care of myself physically, diet wise and mentally so I can understand why my fertility links were broken. tell our listeners where they can find you.

43:58
My website is Jody Skye rogers.com and on Instagram, I am the full time

44:06
and yes once again I'm going to rave about your Instagram account. It is absolutely gorgeous super inspiring. So if you need that every day of your life I know my Instagram was a little bit more raw. A little bit more honest.

44:22
Your personality and energy

44:25
Yeah, it we work well together. Right. We have the calm

44:28
collective beautiful and rowdy.

44:32
I think it's a nice mix. Um, thank you so much for joining us here on finding fertility and sharing your journey and I'm really really excited for you. I feel that there's amazing things coming your way and I'm excited I get to watch it on Instagram and thank you for sharing. Thank you once again for tuning in to another episode of the finding fertility podcast. You can find all of Jody's links down in the show notes. Please while you're down there leave us a rating or review we would greatly like to know how this podcast is supporting you through your journey. Once again don't forget about the discount code is over on the website finding fertility.co backslash Baby and Me journal use the code Baby and Me for 25% off and I will get it in the post for you ASAP. Have a beautiful weekend and we will see you next Friday for another episode of finding fertility.

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Monica

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Anything written or said about health and diet are my opinions, that I have formed over the years, through trial and error, study, reading, listening and observing. What worked for me may not work for you. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or dietician and all medical advice should be gotten from a qualified professional. Product recommendations are based on what I used during my infertility journey or wish I had.