The Truth About Self-Sabotage, Cellular Health & Fertility Success When You're Dealing with Infertility

Finding Fertility

The Truth About Self-Sabotage, Cellular Health & Fertility Success When You're Dealing with Infertility

21:58

How Self-Sabotage and Fear of Judgment Are Blocking Your Fertility (and How to Break Free)

When you’ve tried all the supplements, tracked your ovulation like a NASA scientist, and still aren’t pregnant, it’s easy to think something is broken. Maybe it’s your body. Maybe your timing. Maybe the 400th fertility blog post you read this week forgot to mention some secret magical protocol.

But here’s the radical truth:
✨ Your fertility isn’t broken.
✨ Your body innately knows what to do.
✨ You might just be standing in your own way.

The Hidden Link Between Self-Sabotage and Fertility

Let’s talk about the real saboteur in your journey—the one hiding out in your subconscious, whispering things like:

“You’re not ready yet.”
“You’ll mess this up.”
“Everyone will judge you if you fail.”

Sound familiar? That, my friend, is self-sabotage. It’s not laziness. It’s not a lack of willpower. It’s your subconscious programming trying to protect you—usually from some deep-rooted fear like judgment, failure, or even success.

Many women on the fertility journey unconsciously filter their truth, shrink themselves, or avoid taking aligned action—not because they don’t want a baby, but because something about moving forward doesn’t feel safe.

One woman inside the Finding Fertility community said it best:

“I sabotage everything for myself and I get in my own way. Even knowing that I can’t stop it.”

Why Fear of Judgment Hijacks Your Fertility Journey

That fear of judgment? It’s a beast. It often comes from childhood experiences—like being praised for being “good” or staying quiet, or being shut down when you dared to speak your truth. Over time, your nervous system learns that being fully seen or heard = danger.

So what do you do? You suppress. You perform. You give people the answers you think they want. And slowly, you disconnect from your truth, your power, and your intuition. The exact tools that help guide your fertility journey.

And here's the kicker—this all shows up right when you’re about to level up.
Thinking about investing in a coach? Starting a new healing protocol? Finally trusting your intuition instead of Dr. Google?

BOOM. Self-sabotage steps in like, “No thanks, we’re good here in our familiar little loop of fear and control.”

Fertility Success Comes From Alignment—Not Perfection

Here’s where it gets juicy. You don’t need another supplement or more data. You need to reconnect with you.

Because when your mindset, your emotions, and your cellular health align, your body says:

“Ahhhh. I’m safe. Let’s do this.”

That’s the magic. That’s where transformation happens. Not just for your fertility, but for your entire life.

Whether you’re inside my Fertile Mind program, doing a Breakthrough Session, or just binging this blog from your cozy couch, know this:

“Self-sabotage doesn’t mean you’re broken. Neither do fertility issues.”

You are worthy. You are not too late. And you don’t have to keep living by a subconscious script written decades ago.

5 Steps to Start Rewiring Your Subconscious Fertility Blocks

1. Get radically honest. Admit when you're self-sabotaging. That awareness is gold.

2. Ask what you’re afraid of. Is it judgment? Failure? Being seen? Find the root.

3. Affirm new beliefs. Try: “I am safe to be seen and heard.” “I trust myself more every day.”

4. Use whole-brain tools. Don’t just know the new belief—feel it, embody it.

5. Stay consistent. Healing is a muscle. Show up for it daily, even if it's messy.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Need Fixing—You Need Trust

This fertility journey? It’s not just about getting pregnant. It’s about becoming the version of yourself who’s truly ready to receive.

Because yes, babies are a miracle.
But you? You are the miracle-maker.

And once you stop sabotaging yourself and start trusting your voice, your path, and your power?
That’s when fertility magic happens.

Ready for Your Own Fertility Breakthrough?

If you’re done people-pleasing your way through fertility treatments, and you’re ready to uncover what’s really holding you back, I’m now offering limited Fertility Breakthrough Sessions. These are powerful 1:1 deep dives where we uncover your hidden blocks and get you aligned for real transformation.

Listen to the full podcast episode here: The Truth About Self-Sabotage, Cellular Health & Fertility Success When You're Dealing with Infertility

We’re Doing This Together,
💚 Monica

Finding Fertility

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Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

Full Transcript: 

00:00
Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.

00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's...

00:34
natural power to get and stay pregnant. Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes

01:01
holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friay. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I'm super honored that you are here with me becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Today, we're diving into something that I know so many of you have struggled with, self-sabotage. That feeling of getting in your own way even when you desperately want to move forward.

01:31
I recently had an exchange with a community member who put this struggle into words so perfectly. said, I sabotage everything for myself and I get in my own way. Even knowing that I can not stop it. If that hit you in the gut, you're not alone because let's be real. How many times have you wanted something so badly only to talk yourself out of it?

02:00
How many times have you had an opportunity right in front of you, but found a way to shrink back to avoid to convince yourself you weren't ready? And what's even more frustrating? Knowing that you're doing it and still feeling powerless to stop it. So today we're going to break this down. We're going to talk about why self-sabotage happens, how it's deeply connected to fear, especially the fear of judgment.

02:30
and what you can do to finally start shifting this pattern for good. So I think for a lot of us, one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that self-sabotage is just being lazy or not trying hard enough or we're not good enough. But no, that is not what is happening. Self-sabotage is your subconscious mind trying to protect you.

02:53
So there was something really powerful in her first email when she couldn't access a form that I have you guys fill in. And that's kind of when she was like, you know, I think this just isn't going to be right for me. But let me tell you what she said. My social awkwardness will get in the way anyway. I won't say what I intend to say in fear of being judged.

03:21
I have this deep-seated irrational fear of being judged to the point that when someone asks me a question, even a personal question, I give them the answer I think they want to hear. I don't even realize I'm doing it until after the conversation is over. I think about what I said and will think, why did I say that? Girl, you are not alone. And let's just sit and take a moment.

03:50
with this because it's pretty big and like I said I think a lot of us have done this in the past and maybe are still doing it and when we're on this deeply emotional journey with fertility I think those fears come up even more because we are you know really you know feeling we're not feeling the best about ourselves

04:18
We filter ourselves without even realizing it. Like we discussed in last week's episode, she didn't even realize that she was not using her voice. And I think this is the same thing. We kind of just get incredibly lost with ourselves. And yeah, we'll start telling people what we think they want to hear. We suppress our truth.

04:45
because we're afraid of how it will be received. So why? Because somewhere along the line, our subconscious mind decided that being judged equaled being unsafe. Maybe as a child, you were rewarded for saying the right thing or keeping the peace. Maybe there was a time you spoke up and got shut down. So your nervous system learned that being honest was risky.

05:13
Maybe you were raised to believe that your worth was tied to making others happy, so you learn to perform instead of just be. Whatever the reason, this is just a mindset and a subconscious issue, and it's deeply ingrained now as a subconscious pattern. I think the first thing that I want to recognize about this beautiful woman is that she recognizes it.

05:43
that she can see it in herself. sometime, I mean, no, that radical honesty is the first step. So just knowing that you do this is going to be able to give you the upper hand of, um, when you're ready, being able to reverse it and, you know, bust through those subconscious blocks. And I think you guys are going to know what I'm about to say, but here's the thing.

06:11
It might not seem like this has anything to do with fertility, but it does. And this could be one of the root causes of why you're not seeing the success because I know you have the information. You have access to a fertile body and fertile mind. What is inside those courses is insane. I mean, sometimes I think they're a little bit too big, but I want to make sure everyone has the right answer for them.

06:40
And so if you are actually showing up and going over the material and, you know, taking that radical responsibility and being consistent with the things that fill in alignment with you, I know you have the information, right? So it's really important to honor the things that you think don't have anything to do with your fertility, but they do because fertility is

07:09
all about getting back to yourself. As we discussed in the Mabel Monique Monica Truth Number 6, I don't fix fertility. No one can fix your fertility because your fertility isn't broken. Your body innately knows what to do. So when you get back to source, meaning your empowerment, your cellular health improves, your mindset improves, your energetics improve, not being perfect,

07:39
Your fertility will click back into place because your body is designed to do it and it's like, oh, I have what I need. Okay, perfect. I'm going to start doing this now for you. You don't have to hyper focus on fixing your fertility. You need to get back to yourself, to that alignment, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fertility is all about trust.

08:08
It's about trusting your body, trusting your decisions, trusting that you are safe to step into the next version of yourself, the version of you that becomes that conscious mama that is already you. You have to just get out of your own way. But if your subconscious mind is wired to stay small, to stay safe, to stay unseen, it will find ways to keep you safe.

08:35
Self-sabotage isn't random. It shows up when you're about to step outside of your comfort zone. And making these radical changes to improve your fertility health, to improve your cellular health is completely outside of your comfort zone. Even just starting a new diet and new habits, a new belief system and all that, that doesn't feel safe. So we revert.

09:03
I was on a one-to-one call the other day and our time together was a little bit longer than I wanted it to be because I kind of explained it to her as like, here's the North Pole. This is your center. This is you getting back to yourself and you keep going off on these tangents for months at a time, weeks at a time. And then we come back together. I help you pull.

09:33
pull yourself back to your North Pole and then you have to, that consistency keeps you closer to your North Pole. So when you know, shit hits the fan, you're not spiraling for months at a time. It might take you a week. It might just take you a few days to get back to that North Pole. So when you're on the verge of change, but deep down, something still feels unsafe about it.

10:02
That's when you don't do the things that you either know or want to do, want to try, right? And this is why subconscious empowerment is everything in this journey, to be able to release those emotions and the energy tied to your past lived experiences imprinted in your nervous system.

10:32
And inside fertile mind, you have the tools in there to do this for yourself. Because logic and knowledge alone won't change these patterns. You'll have to go deeper. Okay, so let's talk about what you can do. First step is awareness, like I said, and this woman has it. So hats off to that, right? And if you can be radically honest, you already have the awareness too, okay?

11:02
So you have to have the awareness, you have to acknowledge what it is, and you have to be willing to shift. Give yourself permission to shift that really you can almost say what just came up is what's scarier? What is scarier? Staying where you are at? And even if you get pregnant, right? Because like the thing is, I always say this, pregnancy isn't a sign of health.

11:32
You can get pregnant without doing, you know, a lot of this stuff. I didn't have to do any of the emotion and the energetic stuff, but I tell you what, when motherhood came along, you sure as hell. That's when it started to expose all the stuff that I needed to work through. And you know, like my path is my path and I don't regret anything, but

11:59
If I did have a magic wand, if I could have worked through a big handful of my own BS before my kids came along, I would have enjoyed the early years of motherhood so much more. I would have been able to be so much more present and not seeking my worth outside of myself. So I know this beautiful woman has access to fertile mind and this is

12:27
Also, a little bit of this is in the workshop. I talk about getting into a whole brain state, sitting with the emotion or the feeling of what's coming up, allowing it to be there, changing it into a positive, and repeating that to yourself until you feel the shift. So I have a few affirmations that are going to be

12:57
helpful muscle tests. See if you believe these about yourself. I teach this in fertile mind. And of course, all this is in dreams as well. Dreams is the bigger one, the, um, that has the physical stuff as well. But here's the affirmations. It is safe for me to be seen and heard. I release the fear of judgment and trust my own voice. I trust myself more and more each day. I am safe in my

13:26
self-expression. My truth is worthy of being spoken. Another one that seems really obvious, but most people don't have is I am worthy because I am me. I didn't believe that. It was crazy. It was crazy when I was like doing this, self, well, I actually was working with a practitioner and I thought, no, I'm worthy. I think I'm worthy. She's like, let's just muscle test and see. It's like, oh.

13:56
I don't believe I'm worthy. So I want you to say them, write them down, put these somewhere, get in a whole brain state, change these beliefs about yourself, get in that radical responsibility. When you catch yourself thinking, you know, completely different thoughts than what you should be thinking. When you're about to sabotage yourself, pause, ask yourself.

14:26
What am I actually afraid of right now? Is this fear true? Or is this just a story I've been carrying? What would happen if I choose to trust myself instead? Self-sabotage doesn't mean you're broken. Neither does fertility issues. It means there's just a part of you that needs reassurance, safety, trust, that inner child, that little girl.

14:53
needs to hear that she is safe and that you can do this. The more you remind yourself, the more you do the work, the easier it becomes to rewrite the whole entire script. I know that you guys only see this really confident version who has her own podcast and is on social media and can show up, but I am telling you right now, 10 years ago, 15 years ago,

15:23
If you would have told me that I would be doing this, I would not have believed you. I was insecure. I didn't love myself. I didn't think I was worthy. I had every subconscious belief system going. And I'm just living proof that if you keep at this stuff, your life can radically change. And like I said, your fertility will naturally

15:53
click into place. That's the science bit that is, well, maybe it's not back by literature. It's not triple scientifically peer reviewed because a lot of the fertility experts don't even believe that the key is your cellular health. But it is. I mean, that's just common sense science. I mean, it is just common sense that your whole body is made up of cells. You boost your mitochondria.

16:22
You boost your cellular health, you give your body what it needs on multiple levels. It will do the things it's naturally designed to do. End of story, hardcore facts, okay? Look, I know this isn't easy. I'm living proof that it is quote unquote work. But also, like I said before, what's scarier? Staying where you are now?

16:47
or opening up the possibilities that life can be radically different for you. It's necessary work if you want to become the conscious mama you were born to be. And like I said, you can become a mom without being conscious. But I, once again, living proof that it's way better to be conscious. Your voice matters, your truth matters, you matter. You are so worthy of breaking through

17:16
free from all of this BS, from your patterns that have kept you stuck in so many different ways. Your fertility issues are your wake up call. This is your opportunity. This is the universe giving you the biggest nudge of, hey, we want you to win. And if you can look at your fertility journey that way, that this is

17:43
a for you to grow and really expand and become a better version and keep continuing to become the best version of you, I know that you won't look back and regret a single thing. So I truly hope that this has helped not only this member of Finding Fertility, but everyone here on the podcast who has listened to this. Okay, my beautiful friends.

18:11
Until next time, keep listening to that inner wisdom. Keep showing up for yourself with that radical responsibility. Trust yourself. Get into surrender mode and just know that there is something better for you on the other side of all of this. And next week, we are going to dive back into Monica, Monique, and Mabel.

18:39
And this is going to be a really good one for all the women who were just like, yeah, yeah, I know. I know you keep saying to surrender and trust myself and follow my intuition, but I just can't or I don't know how or I'm trying, but I don't feel like it's working because we are diving into the distress of intuition. So until then, have a beautiful week and we'll see you next Friday.

19:09
Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent. I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. And I have something for my loyal podcast listeners, but here's the key. This is only for women who are feeling burnt out, frustrated, and stuck in the cycle of endless research. And you're at a point

19:38
where you are screaming, I have tried everything, why isn't this working? This only works for women who are ready to take a radical responsibility for their journey and start listening to their body's innate wisdom because deep down you know you can heal and achieve your ultimate goal. If that's not you yet, that's okay. Not everyone is ready yet to show up with ease.

20:06
deeply connect to their energy, unlock subconscious patterns, and listen to their body's ability to come into full coherence. But for those who are ready, I'm offering something I only do with my paying clients, and this is a fertility breakthrough session. This is the first thing I do, even before I start really deeply working with someone in a coaching package. It's a deep dive session where we look at exactly

20:34
where you are right now, what's keeping you stuck, and the easy shifts that can change everything. But fair warning, these sessions are very limited and go fast. So if you're interested in checking out my superpower for uncovering exactly what's been overlooked, jump into one of these free calls. They're deep, they're intuitive, and they're game changing. The only way you can access this is if you actually personally message me.

21:04
You can do it on your favorite platform, IG, TikTok, or at my personal email, monica at findingfertility.co, not .com because they wanted $3,000 for the M with just one word. And that word is dreams. Obviously D-R-E-A-M-S. And I'll make sure you get that link right away. Remember this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself.

21:33
Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below. And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.