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The Hidden Impact of Overworking & Stress on Your Fertility During Infertility & IVF
Feb 14, 2025
Are You Addicted to Busyness? How Over-Doing Could Be Sabotaging Your Fertility Journey
If you’ve been on the infertility rollercoaster for a while, chances are you’ve mastered the art of doing all the things.You’ve got an ovulation-tracking spreadsheet, a supplement rotation plan, a daily fertility smoothie recipe, and a Google search history that could rival a medical textbook.
And yet… you’re still not pregnant.
So what gives?
Well, friend, it’s time to talk about one of the biggest, sneakiest, and most under-discussed roadblocks on the path to pregnancy: The addiction to busyness.
Why We equate “Doing More” with Fertility Success
Let’s get real: we’ve been conditioned to believe that effort = results. You work harder at your job, you get promoted. You train harder at the gym, you get stronger. You study more, you ace the test.
But when it comes to getting and staying pregnant? Doing more doesn’t always mean better results. In fact, it can mean the exact opposite.
If your brain is constantly in go-go-go mode—obsessing over every tweak to your diet, overanalyzing every symptom, or second-guessing every decision—your body is stuck in high-stress mode. And here’s the thing:
🚨 Chronic stress = high cortisol = hormonal imbalance = fertility struggles. 🚨
Translation? Your uterus is not a fan of the hustle culture.
How Over-Scheduling Becomes a Distraction from Real Healing
Let’s talk about Mabel (because you KNOW there’s a little bit of Mabel in all of us).
Mabel thinks if she just tweaks her diet one more time, researches one more study, adds one more supplement, then BAM! She’ll finally crack the fertility code.
But deep down? She’s not just searching for answers.
She’s searching for certainty.
Because slowing down—actually sitting with the emotions of this fertility journey—feels terrifying. If she stops doing, then suddenly there’s space for all those uncomfortable feelings:
- The grief over past failed treatments
- The frustration of unexplained infertility
- The fear that this might not work
So instead of sitting with it, she fills her time with action, research, and planning. And that busyness? It gives her the illusion of control.
But here’s the harsh reality: No amount of busyness can guarantee a pregnancy. It just keeps your mind too occupied to realize how exhausted you are.
Fertility Isn’t Just About Action—It’s About Space
Most women struggling with infertility are told to do more. More testing, more treatments, more interventions, more research.
But what if the real answer isn’t more doing?
What if the real transformation happens in the pause?
What if stillness is where your body actually has the space to heal?
Because here’s the truth:
✅ Fertility is NOT a productivity contest.
✅ You cannot out-research or out-plan your way into a pregnancy.
✅ Stress & overwhelm do more harm than another supplement ever could.
How to Stop the Busyness Addiction & Actually Support Your Fertility
So, how do you start breaking free from this cycle? Start here:
📝 Journal on this: If I stopped being busy, what feelings would I have to face?
⏳ Schedule stillness: Take 5 minutes a day to just sit. No phone, no distractions. Just be.
😈 Call out your own patterns: Are you truly making progress, or just keeping yourself distracted?
💆🏽♀️ Prioritize nervous system healing: Fertility isn't just about hormones. Your nervous system needs support too.
The hardest part? Trusting that you are enough, even when you aren’t doing something.
Let’s Take This Further—Listen to the Full Episode
If this post hit a nerve (and I’m guessing it did), then you need to listen to this week’s podcast episode. We’re diving deep into:
🔹 How your addiction to busyness is wrecking your fertility
🔹 Why stillness & trust are more powerful than another round of research
🔹 What happens when you finally stop fixing and start feeling
🔹 A special Monica, Monique, & Mabel breakdown of what’s really going on
🎧 Listen to the full episode here → The Hidden Impact of Overworking & Stress on Your Fertility During Infertility & IVF
And remember: True healing happens in the moments you stop trying so hard and just allow.
Now, go sit still for five minutes. I dare you. 😉
We’re Doing This Together,
💚 Monica
Grieving Together: 10 Things Monica Sees in Mabel’s Journey That Are Causing Unnecessary Chaos
🎙 Subscribe on your favourite podcast platform:
Apple || Stitcher || Spotify || Google
Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷♀️
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?
As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨
Full transcript:
00:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.
00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.
00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve.
00:51
Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes, holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friyay, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I am so honored you are here becoming the conscious mama you were born to be.
01:15
I hope you enjoyed the two episodes with my mentor, Tally Miller. If you haven't listened to them, I highly recommend you go back and listen to them. She has definitely altered a lot in my life for the better and just making me or helping me, supporting me to become a better coach for you guys. Today, we are jumping back into Mabel, Monica and Monique. I'm super excited for this episode.
01:44
But before we drop in, we are going to do a grounding meditation for releasing the addiction to busyness. So as always, find a quiet space. If you're driving, please do not take your hands off the wheel or shut your eyes. Everyone else sit comfortably, plant your feet on the ground and take a deep breath in. And exhale slowly.
02:17
Either closing your eyes or getting still where you are, take three more slow deep breaths. With each inhale, invite in calm and with each exhale, let go of the tension that comes from feeling like you must do something.
02:46
Imagine with every breath you are gently untangling yourself from the invisible cords of urgency, productivity, and the need to prove your worth through action.
03:10
Bringing your awareness to your body, feel the weight of your body connecting with the surface behind you. Notice the sensation of your feet releasing and anchoring your grounding cord or roots like an old wise tree into the core of Mother Earth.
03:35
Imagine that golden light traveling from deep from within the earth.
03:45
all the way up to your feet throughout your whole body grounding you in stillness.
03:55
with each breath, feel yourself becoming more steady, more centered, and more present. While that energy is flowing up, envision a figure eight flowing back and forth between your left and right brain again and again and again. If you know what a whole brain position looks like,
04:24
as well with your hands and legs. Jump into that. Don't overthink it. Left over right, right over left. Continue that figure eight in your brain to get in a whole brain state to help with the subconscious reprogramming.
04:44
Now pictures of yourself standing in the middle of a vast open field. There's no clocks. There's no deadlines, no expectations, just you and the expansive sky above.
04:58
A gentle breeze moves through whispering, you are allowed to slow down. You are enough, even when you are still. You are worthy of rest.
05:13
As you breathe in, let these words sink into your cells. As you exhale, release the grip of overdoing.
05:25
feeling the tightness of business dissolving.
05:33
Place one hand over your heart and the other on your belly, feeling the natural rhythm of your breath. Steady, unforced, alive.
05:48
Ask yourself, if I didn't have to prove my worth through busyness, how would I feel?
06:00
Let the answer float up with no judgment.
06:08
and trust that it is safe to slow down, to listen, to simply be.
06:18
Now visualize that soft golden light coming up from Mother Earth, lightly wrapping around you like a cocoon. Calm, warm, and reassuring. This light will stay with you as you move through your day.
06:37
reminding you that presence is more powerful than busyness.
06:46
Take one last deep breath in. Hold it for a moment at the top.
06:54
and then sigh it out.
06:58
Wiggle your fingers and your toes, slowly bring yourself back to the present. And if you shut your eyes, reopen them. And say out loud, I am at peace in the present moment. I release the need to rush. My worth is not measured by my productivity.
07:19
Okay, so we are going to dive into the land of being addicted to busyness. Most of us are probably unaware that there is actually a real thing about being addicted to busyness, but you're probably very aware that you are always, or at least feeling like you always have to be doing, have to be going, have to be researching. And if you're not, then
07:49
you're not doing enough. So let's be real. If you've been in this fertility journey, you have probably had a spreadsheet for everything. Obulation tracking, supplements, base body temperature, your doctor's latest try this next plan. You might even have a things I haven't tried yet list and I get it. I've been there. But let me ask you, what happens when you stop?
08:17
What happens if you stop fixing and start feeling? Now this can be heavy. If you just got like a really big body, like what? I get it, I know, it's a big gulp moment. But for a lot of us, that's exactly what we need to do for our bodies and what we're gonna be diving into today. Because busyness,
08:45
isn't always about progress. Sometimes it's just a fancy disguise for avoidance. And we're gonna mix it up today, have a little bit of fun because I know you guys are already bracing yourself, so I'm gonna do a really fun Monica Monique moment here talking about Mabel's journey. If you haven't
09:15
either over on sub stack or the blog. They're down in the show notes. I highly recommend them. I'm trying a new approach to really allowing this information to settle into your brains. Because I know, I know you have read the books. You've heard me talk about it. You've heard other people talk about it, but it's just not sinking in.
09:42
everyone, almost everyone that comes my way, either in the group coachings, one-to-one, or questions on the internet, it is very clear that you have the knowledge, but you're not taking the action. And whether that be the subconscious action, the energetic side, or actually the physical side too, because I think a lot of people out there are teaching it as kind of one or the other.
10:10
but really it's both, it's not either or. So let's dive into some insights. Busyness is a distraction, not a badge of honor. Now, Monica would say, Mabel is addicted to doing because it makes her feel in control. If she just tweaks her diet a little more or researches just one more study, then maybe she'll finally get pregnant. But here's the sneaky part.
10:38
She's not just searching for answers. She's searching for certainty. And when you're in the fertility issues world, certainty feels like the only safe place to land. Except it's an illusion. No amount of busyness can guarantee an outcome. It just keeps your mind too occupied to realize how exhausted you are. Monique.
11:05
Now Monique would say, so let me get this straight, Mabe is out here treating overwhelm like a flex? Look at me, I'm so dedicated to my fertility journey that I don't even have time to breathe. Girl, that is not a flex. That's a cry for help in disguise. And you don't get extra credit for running yourself into the ground. I know that a lot of us have been taught to go, go, go, do, do, do, and it's worked.
11:35
It's worked for us, right? We have achieved what we mostly have wanted to achieve, whether that be in our career, our house, our friends, whatever it is, sports, especially in college, in school. But here's the thing, that busyness, that overdoing is one of the biggest contributors to fertility issues.
11:59
because you're destroying your adrenals, you have high cortisol levels, your body is just in fight or flight all the time, and then you have those subconscious patternings that in the story, you'll see Mabel uncovers for herself that you just never would have even linked to your fertility issues. And the big thing is most people's fertility issues,
12:27
have almost nothing to do with fertility. Fertility issues only, it's like they compound, right? So you're running your old patterns and then because you're running your old patterns, you have failed IVFs, you have miscarriages, you have all this doubt and this self, you know, you don't have self-belief in your body anymore. But those aren't new patterns, they're just reworked patterns because you basically pattern the same way.
12:56
that you have for the last few decades. So it's really important to start being radically self-honest and being aware of like, okay, yeah, I'm doing all the things, but let's get real. Is it working? And for a lot of us, if you're here and you've been here for a while, the hard reality is no, it's not working. And a lot of people will still go and they'll still push and there's no judgment. But I...
13:26
I can almost say with like 100% probability that yeah, of course you can see success when you're stressed out. Remember the crackhead on the street, God bless her soul, or the top CEO. I just got an email of this woman's manager who's promoting her. She has this new company, this new IVF company.
13:55
and she was named, you know, Forbes CEO, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and has three IVF babies. And I'm like, you know, go for her, that's awesome. But you know, harsh reality, I can tell you why you needed IVF. Not because you really needed it, but probably because your career was more important than your health. So anyways, that was a side note. Let's move on. Insight number two is over-scheduling, is avoidance.
14:24
in disguise. So Monica would say, here's the thing, Mabel isn't just busy because she wants to be, she's busy because slowing down feels terrifying. If she stops doing, then suddenly there's space for all those emotions she's been avoiding. Grief, frustration, disappointment. And trust me, I know how much it sucks to sit with those. But avoiding them doesn't make them go away, it just makes them show up in other places.
14:54
like frustration with your partner, resentment towards your body, or a deep underlining sense of failure that no amount of busyness can fix. Now Monique, Monique would say, Mabel, honey, let's call it what it is. You're stuffing down your emotions the way I stuff chips into my mouth when I say I'm just gonna have a handful, and suddenly the whole bag is gone. You can pack your schedule to the brim, but eventually that grief, that anger,
15:23
it's coming for you. And if you don't deal with it, it will deal with you. And here's the harsh reality. And I learned this and this is what pushed me into the subconscious part of what I coach on and what I help you guys with, is even after I had my babies, right? Eight years, you know, a lot of struggle.
15:48
I thought I was going to be Mary Poppins. I thought I was going to be the Pinterest mom. Before I had my children, my career was in early education. I have an honors degree in it. And the subconscious patterning and self-doubt and I have to prove my worth from being busy and always doing really took a toll on me being a mom, me being able to be present and just be with my kids and even on my relationship. So
16:17
These things that maybe we are avoiding, and especially through things like overscheduling and being busy, they will show up again. And sometimes they'll show up in a harsher way because really, when we are pushed into
16:37
you know, the way the universe just naturally, it's not a test, it's not punishment, it's not any of that, it's just the way the universe will work of like here, here's some uncomfortableness to wake you up to show you or make you feel or make you see that you have to shift. And it can be bypassed, absolutely. I mean, like, that's what IVF is doing for a lot of women. It is bypassing
17:05
The really big need for women to reclaim their body, their empowerment, their mind, their womanhood. But it will show up later in life. The statistics of the observations out there, especially with children's health, are very clear. And I was lucky.
17:32
I mean, I know it sounds really awful, but I was lucky that I was so sick that I was forced to radically change my physical health. And it took so long that then I had to like go into mindset and mental health because like, you know, you need to have some mindset after like five, six years of never seeing a positive pregnancy test and failed IVFs and miscarriages and stuff. So you always get...
18:02
what you need to create that dramatic shift. So if you're in the thick of it and you've been years into it, you have to look at it as, or you can, or I suggest you look at it this way because it makes the journey so much easier that it's giving you time to clean up more. Because trust me, year four, year five, I was like, WTF, what more do I have to do?
18:30
But with hindsight, I was like, oh, I get it. And it set me up to have the consciousness that when I started getting into all the subconscious patterning because my kids were triggering me, I was able to do it and not just go back to old patterning and old habits. So let's move into insight number three, healing requires space, not just action. So here's Monica.
19:00
The truth is the magic doesn't happen in the doing, it happens in the being. And I know that's a tough pill to swallow because we've all been taught that effort equals results, but in the fertility issue space, sometimes effort equals stress, and stress equals roadblocks. True healing, whether it's emotional, physical, or spiritual, happens in the moments you actually let yourself feel.
19:29
process and release. Time is your biggest ally, which I know sounds ridiculous because most of us feel like we're against this timeline with our age, but that's literally an illusion. And if you give yourself time to heal and take the action steps that you've put into place, you will actually gain more time back, in the long run too.
19:59
You'll gain time back because you'll be healthier your child You know the chances of your child being healthier are way higher because you're massively Improving your mitochondria your cellular health and so you are gonna spend way less time in hospitals I mean anyone who's done IUI and especially IVF, you know how time-consuming It's like a frequent part-time job. Sometimes a full-time job doing that stuff. So remember that time requires space
20:27
It requires stillness and the willingness to be present with whatever comes up. So Monique is coming in with some fire. Oh, so you're telling me that maybe, just maybe running around like a headless chicken isn't the fast track to healing? Wow, groundbreaking. Look, I love a good to-do list as much as the next type A control freak, but at some point,
20:56
You have to admit that it's just all noise. And if you don't give yourself permission to slow down, your body will do it for you. Ever heard of burnout? Yeah, your uterus doesn't like that. Nothing likes that in your body. I have had women in the community who are barely making it with
21:25
major adrenal fatigue and just so burnt out and they know the only reason that they're even functioning is because they have all these holistic things in place but they're not ready, they're not willing to just take that, really that major next leap and whatever that is in your life, sometimes that is the scariest part.
21:54
real deep surrender to how your life has been running and how you set it up and the ability to, you know, really just let go of it all in a way that feels manageable and right for you, right? I think in this story, I think I should know because I wrote it. I talk about how I quit my job.
22:23
I mean, the circumstances worked, but it was a really big thing for me not to work and not make my own money and all those like blah blah blah stories. But it was a time where my husband was transitioning locations with the Royal Air Force, we sold our house, and we moved into military housing, and we just lived on one salary. That was gonna be it.
22:53
and not that that was the main factor of me getting and staying pregnant with our IVF baby because that's what happened, but it was a huge huge stress relief off of me so all of the amazing stuff that I was already doing just had time to have that coherence. I was just able to put it all together for that time frame.
23:21
and just heavily focus on that. And I know that seems like so dramatic and trust me, people judged us like massively for it. But that was just what we needed to do. That's what I needed to do, to just have the ability that, and I know you guys have heard me say this before, but have the ability to look back at my journey and say, I did everything. If it didn't work out.
23:49
I wasn't gonna have any what ifs. What if I would've just quit my job? What if I just would've done this? Or, you know, fill in the blank. And that was the most important thing for me at that time because I still couldn't, there was no guarantees. I had no guarantees that the IVF was gonna work, that the immune protocols were gonna work. And hell, I definitely did not even believe that I was gonna get pregnant naturally. Sometimes you do have to take those leaps. If they feel right,
24:18
for you if you kind of just know, like you know in your heart that's what you need right now but everything around you, all the physical things in life are saying no you can't do that. That's where the deep surrender and you know the deep trust in where you're being guided, it's gonna work out and you'll make it work out. And if you already have a supportive partner, right, if you don't have a supportive partner that's like a different conversation.
24:47
But if you have a supportive partner, then you'll work it out. I promise you, promise you. Okay, so you guys have a little bit of homework today. I'm going to give you three questions that I want you to journal about and really start exploring if you have this addiction to busyness and what you can do to start really squashing it. So the first question is, if I stop being busy...
25:17
what will I have to face that I've been avoiding? Okay? Second question, how do I start slowing down without feeling like I'm losing control? And what happens when I finally make space for the emotions I've buried? And that is the perfect question to get into next week's podcast episode and story with Monica, Monique, and Mabel.
25:45
We're going to be talking all about buried emotional baggage. And to stay in like the funness of this episode, I'm going to do a little bit of Monica and Monique again. So Monica, she says, so let's say Mabel actually stops for a second. No endless Googling, no obsessing over every little symptom. She just sits with herself and guess what shows up. Oh yeah.
26:13
All those emotions she's been dodging. The grief, the anger, the disappointment, the failed expectations. Because busyness was never the problem. It was just the coverup. So next week, we're gonna talk about what happens when you finally stop avoiding and start acknowledging those feelings. Monique, spoil alert, it's messy, but so is life.
26:41
And if you think stuffing your emotions down is a long-term strategy, let me tell you. Repressed feelings don't stay repressed. They just get passive aggressive. Like, oh, you don't wanna feel grief? Cool, I'll just manifest as random resentment towards your partner for breathing too loudly. So next week, we're unpacking all that emotional baggage you've been holding around like an overstuffed carry-on. So buckle up.
27:11
Okay guys, if today's episode has hit home, obviously you have the three questions to journal about, but I also want you to recognize your own addiction to busyness, and I have a little bit of a challenge for you. Today, take five minutes, just five minutes, to sit in silence. You don't have to have your eyes closed or do a meditation or anything, but no distractions. No iPhone, no music, no books.
27:40
and no to-do lists, just you. And I want you to notice what comes up. And I want you to be honest, is it uncomfortable? And if it is, that is more than okay, that is perfect. That's called radical responsibility. That's called checking and noticing your default energy because remember, it's your default energy that is running the show.
28:08
not your yoga that you do, not your meditation that you do, it is what you are running 80 to 90% of the time. And remember, the first step to healing isn't doing more, it's about willingness to feel more. So next week, we're gonna dive deeper into it. So really looking forward to it and until then, have a beautiful week.
28:33
Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent, I put in the work, and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. By discovering the right path for you in the six essential steps, including diet, rest and recovery, energetics, awareness, mindset, and surrender.
28:59
you can create the family of your dreams. I know you've already downloaded the amazing free guide, but if you're ready to really truly step into real action, make sure you either grab the six steps to boost your embryos or look into Fertile Body for physical support, Fertile Mind for mindset and energetics, and if you want it all, that's where Dreams, the online course, comes in.
29:28
Make sure for personal guidance, you can join a community session or book a one-to-one private call and remember this, transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. Oh, and if you're still here and you love this podcast, please take some time to leave us a review. It's like literally the only way other people can find this podcast. So help a sister out.
