Pregnant at 40+ after Infertility & Failed IVFs - Finding Fertility Success Story

Hello beautiful and welcome to Finding Fertility. I'm your host Monica Cox from FindingFertility.co and I created this podcast to help get you to start thinking outside of the box and realize that your infertility might have nothing to do with your lady bits. Rooted in functional medicine and personal experience.

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Finding fertility is all about looking at the whole body and finding the root cause of your infertility. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any issues of infertility. But what we do is take a holistic approach and improve your diet and lifestyle to get you steps closer to creating your dream family. Just by being here with me, listening to this podcast, you're already going down the right path.

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to making your dreams come true. Let's do this together. Happy Friday, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I am greatly honored that you are here becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Today we have such an exciting episode. This beautiful woman, this beautiful mama to be was one of my very first.

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podcast discovery calls and she decided to work with me one to one and we worked together ended up being over several months but continuing to support her actually through over a year. And as you'll discover, she's pregnant and she came on to really share one of the most important things.

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that I can support you and everyone listening with. And that is really stepping into your intuition, stepping into your empowerment and really letting go of old controlling type A ways.

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The baby is the cherry on top for me. I'm really heavily invested in the cake and the frosting and the ingredients that's actually going to shape and foster the support of the cherry, right? The thing at the top, the thing inside. And I'm just so grateful that she came on to share just a little bit of what she learned in her journey, what was really incredible to her.

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So without further to do, let's get to today's episode. I'm so excited that you're back on, that I get to see your face. It was always such a joy to work with you and meet you and all that. You are almost 37 weeks pregnant, but that's not really what we wanna talk about. That is the cherry on top. That is the ultimate goal. But one of the things, and I always...

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I always talk about you to clients or potential clients or community members, my friends and family. I really saw you blossom into a new version. And I always talk about conscious motherhood, becoming that conscious mama. And I really think that was like such a big thing for you in your journey. And I'm just so grateful that you were willing to come back on and just...

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share your story with other women because it's one of the hardest things to do is to surrender and let go of that control of something that you want so bad. And it's not that you gave up, obviously not, you're pregnant. But tell us a little bit about why you even decided to jump on a podcast discovery call with me and then what your journey was like, you know, shifting

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to more of a place of surrender for yourself? Yes, so originally I have just been, I think I came across your page or something on Instagram and you and I had connected on that initial podcast and it was just so helpful for me and I've been working with you for the last few years. So I think you just really helped me grow and develop into.

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different human being. Like we've been working on so many different things, Monique. I can't even like, I'll have to go back into my notes to see all the things that we've been working on and just, you know, you've referred me to other people as well just to do some, you know, a lot of internal work and I think it was hard at first, right, when we first started talking and then when we had chatted about things and it's just like, okay, well these are the things that you need to work on and this is what you needed to do and I know that I needed to do all of that but...

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I think at that point, I was just really stuck in. It's like, okay, I need to get pregnant. I need to get pregnant. And I remember you kept just telling me, it's just like, well, no, you're already 40 now, so that's okay. And they always are gonna try to rush you. And she's like, I remember you saying to me, you're like, oh, it doesn't make a difference if you're 40, 41 or 42 right now at this point, because it's still, you're over 40, so you've already hit that and it's all good.

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But I think it was really hard for me initially to hear that. I'm like, why is she saying that? Oh my God, this is so stressful. But then just as I got to know you and do all of this, like I'm just going to move forward for a second and then backwards again. But like I just think now it's like I think that this baby was meant to come into my life now, not three years ago when we first started our fertility journey. I think I'm a better version of myself now because of everything that we've been doing in all.

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the work that I've done with you and all the support and guidance you've provided me. Because had I have not had the opportunity to be able to work on myself, I think I would be a different person. I was much more anxious, you know, with my type A personality and my control. And, I mean, it's just very, very challenging. I think sometimes, you know, when you are in that position and you just want to control the situation because when you're a type A personality,

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you feel like, well, why isn't it working out how I'm supposed to intend to have it work out or why aren't things going the way that I want it to be and we try to control things and form things to how we think they should be, but in reality, these kind of things can't be controlled. And I think through all the work with you, that's what I've realized and I just

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When you're talking about the pausing thing, I remember like initially when I had come to you and just said, okay, I'm going to take a break now for a little bit and I'm going to work on my body and get things a little bit better. And then I ended up getting my booster vaccine. And when I had that, then it was almost like I had to go on a break because, you know, my cycles were kind of a little bit dysregulated and.

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It took me, so it wasn't really at the beginning a break, right? So I remember talking to you and you're like, okay, my three months of my break is up. And you're like, well, that wasn't really a break because you've been stressing about it this whole time because like I, yeah, it was just not good with all my, you know, like with my cycles kind of being all over the place and all like my blood work was just not good. So it's like, well, that wasn't really a real break. You know, you need to now take another break. And I was like, oh my gosh, another break. But.

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In retrospect, I think that time that I took to pause, it was the best time of my last three years where I had some time to reflect. I had some time, you know, I worked a lot with you and, you know, my anxiety and just really looked deep within myself to figure out, okay, why am I having these control issues or why, you know, is this timeframe that I have for myself and what are some things that I can do

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to help mitigate my anxiety levels. And then it's like the three months went by so quick that I was like, oh, this felt so good. I think I need to just do this for a little bit longer. And that's when I realized I was just like, oh my gosh, and it ended up being like six months, but I just became the best version of myself. I mean, I know it's a journey, so I'm still working on it, but to date at that point, I was like, okay, I feel...

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good, I feel calm. And I think that that was just very, very important for me to kind of just go through that. Sorry, that was a really long answer to your question. No, that was brilliant. Yeah, I think, well, yeah, I definitely believe that we show up to a fertility journey how we've shown up to the rest of our lives. Almost 100% of my clients that I work one-on-one just like you.

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really high achievers. You've always been able to achieve whatever you want. We don't realize that that comes at a price with our health because the other things that we're achieving in our lives, we're not stacking up to necessarily our body's ability to get and stay pregnant. So, you know, going through college, you know, work or, you know, whatever you're achieving,

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You're go, go, go. You got it. You got it. Yeah. I achieved it. I achieved it. I'm going to keep going. I'm keep going. And when we show up to a fertility journey, it's like, well, we're just going to, we're going to do, we're going to apply the same principles to this journey. And the reality is, is it complete opposite? And it's so hard to take that four decades of patterning and go, what do you mean? I got to be complete opposite.

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And because you don't feel like you're doing, when you're relaxing, when you're taking time for yourself, when you're surrendering, you don't feel like you're doing so therefore you don't feel like you're achieving.

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Yes. Yeah. One of the best stories, and I'm going to let you tell as much of it as you want, but IVF was part of some of the process for you. And you were up in Canada, and you came down to America, and there was a lot of external factors. A lot, right?

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And I remember saying to you, because you were so scared to get COVID and COVID ruined this experience for you. And I was like, you are going to manifest COVID girl, like you are going to bring it into your life. And for me, this is where I feel like a really big change happened for you. Do you want to tell a little bit of that part of your journey there?

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Yeah, for sure. So I think, yeah, you're right. I was like, so afraid of COVID since it started and to the point where it's just like when I would see people, I would have them like test, just to make sure they don't have COVID, we'd be wearing masks. And I think it was just because of the reactions that I got when, you know, even with my not so much with my first vaccine, but with the second and then again, with the booster shot. So again, I felt like it was delaying my fertility journey. Just because then

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I had to wait because things were not optimal on ultrasounds and things were not optimal on blood work and you know things were not optimal cycle wise so I think that I was just so scared of getting coven it because again I was trying to control the situation and think okay well. that's good not thinking that well, I mean that's one of the factors so yes, we went over to the States ended up getting coven on the airplane.

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So, like, of course, I was fully masked. And I remember I took my mask off for a quick second to have some water and the person. And it was just so ironic, Monica, how the whole thing happened. My husband and I were supposed to be seated next to each other, our flight got canceled, and then it got reinstated again. And then there wasn't, like, I actually paid $100 extra to check us in so that we would be sitting beside each other in advance, like pre-selected our seats.

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They canceled them and then after they said, oh, sorry, you guys can't sit beside each other anymore now because it's the plane's full. So I ended up sitting beside another person that was coughing the entire flight. And I remember I texted my husband right before we took off. I'm like, this woman's gonna give me COVID and put a smiley face. I was just joking, but in reality, it ended up being true. And yeah, so I ended up getting.

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COVID and then passing it along to him and you know, I tested at first like nothing came so I was okay But yeah a couple of days later. It's just you know, like we were in the midst of an IVF cycle It was horrific to be honest, like it was just so devastating, you know having it It's like financially a lot to emotionally, you know took time off of work all of that sort of stuff go there and it's just

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I was not having any progression on my ultrasounds. Like it's just, there was, I think there was just a lot of inflammation in my body. Obviously, right? Being that it's just like three days into it. And I remember the clinic kept telling me, they're like, okay, well, yeah, that's fine. You know, just stay here for a few days. And I remember I connected with you and I was telling you, I'm like, I just don't feel good about this right now. I don't want to do this. Like, I don't want to stay here for a few days. I just don't feel that this is the right time for me right now.

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And I remember you kept talking about follow your intuition. If that's how you're feeling, then maybe it's not the right time. So yeah, I just came back to Canada and called them and they're like, what you left? I'm like, I don't feel like it's a good time. And they're like, okay, well, you can come back again next month. I'm like, no, I don't want to come back again next month. Like I need to just wait a little bit because now I feel like kind of back at square one and I've put, you know, I need to just work on myself and my body. And

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That is what I did and that was remarkable. Like that was last, like sorry, in the summer of 2022. So then by the time we ended up going again for another IVF cycle was a year later. If you had told me back then that it's gonna be another year before I go, I would be like, no, it's not. No, it'll be like three months. I'm gonna work on, you know, a quality for like 90 to 120 days, but.

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Other things started happening, you know, and then it was just not the right time. So I literally just spent a year focusing on myself and I just felt like. And focusing on myself, just not even physically in my body and all of that, but just mentally doing lots of work. Um, you know, you had recommended some options for tapping. I kind of just tuned into that. Um, just, you know, working on just other, a few other.

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people that you had suggested as well. And I think that that really helped me until I felt I was ready to go, which was a year later. At that point I wasn't concerned and I feel like that was obviously the best time because now things are ultimately where I want them to be, but they came at a different time. They came like three and a half years later.

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that I didn't even really get to do an IVF cycle until three and a half years, but it was just meant to be that I was supposed to do it now. And this is a baby that was supposed to come into my life now, not in 2022 or not through all those other modes of fertility treatments and IUIs that we had done. So I think that in retrospect, I know at the time when you're going through it, it just seems very stressful and you're like, oh, why is it taking so long? And

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I see other people now that are where I was. And they're like, you know, say things to me like, oh, it's just so hard. Yeah, no, I need to go like next month. Or they have like one of my friends like that had the OHSS, like the syndrome or whatever. And she was just like, oh yeah, they just said that, you know, she's like, yeah, it's very uncomfortable and stuff, but I'm gonna try to go next month. That was like, oh my God. And I remember being there and just being that person.

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Like, let your body just do its thing, just give it some time. If it's already in such a heightened state, like, is that really the best time to go? But I remember being there, you know, you just don't want to judge anyone because everybody just has different journeys. But yeah, like, there's just so much growth when you think about that and so much just, it's unsettling, right, when you're, because when you're at those clinics, they scare you with their stats.

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And it's just like, oh, every month it's like, oh, you should have done this yesterday. Right. So they say things like that. And it's just every day seems like a precious wasted day, but it's not. When you're working on yourself, I think every day for me has just become a part of my journey and is now going to make me a better mom because of all of this and all these tools and strategies I now have that you've helped and supported me with in the last few years.

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Yeah, I mean, that's the ultimate goal for me now. You know, when I first started getting into coaching, it was like, oh, just get people pregnant. Now I see the bigger picture of like, the journey doesn't end after the two pink lines. It doesn't end after birth, you know, it continues on. And we, if we can gain some skills before our children come along or before we have more children.

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We all benefit, you know, like everyone around us, our husbands, our families, you know, and especially our children. And I think that's the hardest thing. Like you said, when you're in the thick of it and you're getting all these stats and you have all these external factors, the money, the time you took off, you know, the timeline you're on, the diagnosis, and that's why I was so proud of you when you

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because you were like, should I cancel this IVF? I was like, I can't tell you, you have to do it. And I'm going to be honest, I didn't think you were going to do it. I thought I was like, I was like, oh my gosh. And I was so proud of you when you said, and I remember you had such an amazing time. Like, I think you got to see some fan, like friends or something. And then you went home and you said the weight, the release that was off of your body was just like so freeing. And I knew then

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that you were one, becoming the woman you were born to be, and two, you were gonna reach your ultimate goal because you had finally gotten to that surrender mode and you were gonna trust your intuition and where that took you in your journey, no matter if you wanted to go that way or not, you were gonna listen. And like you said, the baby that you have growing in your tummy right now was meant to be. That was meant to be.

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And I'm just so proud of you. So, so proud of you. Yeah, thank you. I remember like after, I mean, after I just had like an emotional breakdown when we found out we had COVID. And then after that, I was just like, my husband's like, oh, don't you just feel free now? Because like, he's like, we're not wearing a mask now after we were off our five days of COVID.

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And I was just, we were just walking around and it just, it actually did feel freeing. And I'm like, oh, we have like a week off. We should just go to Europe. He's like, what? I'm like, Mike, we have a week off. We should go to Europe and go have some fun. He's like, yeah, no, we need to go back. I just felt because everything just felt so restricted, right. For so long. It's like, we can't go here. We can't go for dinner. We can't hang out with our friends. We can't go do this. And it just, it actually, exactly how you're saying it literally felt like.

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weight was like lifted off my shoulders. Yeah, exactly. And that can be anything, you know, not just COVID, but the weight of IVF, the weight of IUI, the weight of the fertility checklist of, oh, I have to do all these things for my fertility. I remember saying to you, you said to me at one point, you're like, I'll put that on my checklist. And I was like, whoa, whoa, what do you mean checklist? Like, absolutely not. Like that's a type A personality where we got to check all these things.

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And what a lot of people don't realize is that you might be doing the checklist, but you're not present. You're not actually doing the quote unquote work that's going to get you to your ultimate goal. You're just in that zone of doing and going. And it's a process. And like you say, and it's great that you are aware of people around you going through the thick of it and just going, I know what journey you are on.

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I respect you and I'm going to pray for you that you don't stay there forever because once you shift out of that, that's when like life starts again, the joy comes back. And I think that's what ultimately you gain back time and you get to your ultimate goal a lot sooner. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

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Well, thank you so much for coming on and just sharing a little bit of, you know, your journey to becoming that conscious mama that you were just born to be. I'm super, super excited to watch you bloom into motherhood. And thank you for letting me be a part of this, this part of your journey. I'm just truly honored. Yeah. Thank you so much for all your support. I wouldn't have been able to do this without you. I think it's like.

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So important to have a coach along the way, even like through my profession. I do a lot of coaching, but you can't.

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like you can't coach yourself, right? So it's very, very important because we don't see, and it's like, even if they're on, I am aware that I have a type A personality. It's not that I'm not aware of it, but I think just working through these things, there's certain things that you've picked up that are kind of maybe a little bit more in my subconscious. So things that I think, okay, well, it's okay. I'll just work through that. Or this is work for me in the past. I just had to be more persistent. So.

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I think that that's just been very, very helpful throughout the journey. So yes, I also just want to thank you for all your time and your patience and all your hard work that you've done with me over the last few years that have helped me and accomplish our goals. So thank you so much for that. It was my pleasure. Absolute pleasure. Thank you once again for tuning in to the Finding Fertility podcast. If you're loving this podcast, please leave us a rating and review and let us know how this...

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podcast is supporting you to get steps closer to creating your dream family. I hope you have a beautiful weekend and we will see you next Friday for another episode of the Finding Fertility podcast.