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How to Stop Overthinking and Break Free from Rumination on Your Fertility Journey
Monica is guiding you through a 10-week deep dive into Mable's Ten Truths, peeling back the layers of chaos with practical tools, empowering insights, and her real-life experiences. Whether you’re feeling stuck in your fertility journey or wrestling with overwhelm and doubt in another area of life, these conversations offer a roadmap to healing and transformation. Tune in to the Finding Fertility Podcast and blog for more real talk, actionable steps, and the space to create the life you’ve been working so hard to build.
Overthinking, Worry & Fear: How Mabel Found Peace in Her Thoughts During Infertility
Overthinking Every Decision
From Googling symptoms to second-guessing every choice, Mabel’s overthinking is drowning out her intuition and making her feel more lost than ever.
If you're caught in the endless loop of what-ifs and over-analyzing every decision on your fertility journey, you’re not alone. Overthinking is practically a rite of passage for anyone who wants to control the uncontrollable. But here’s the truth: overthinking doesn’t create solutions—it creates chaos. And rumination? That’s just your brain’s drama factory working overtime.
In this blog & podcast episode, How to Overcome Overthinking, Worry & Fear During Infertility & IVF, we’ll break down the difference between rumination and overthinking, explain why they keep you stuck, and provide practical steps to interrupt these patterns so you can focus your energy where it matters most.
First, let’s get clear on these two mental traps:
Rumination: This is when your brain takes a single thought, like what if I’m too old to get pregnant, and spins it into a full-blown disaster movie. Rumination is rooted in imaginary scenarios that haven’t even happened—and might never happen. It’s like playing mental tug-of-war with yourself for no reason.
Overthinking: Unlike rumination, overthinking tends to focus on real problems—but ones that are outside of your control. It’s obsessing over facts like your age or your IVF timeline, spinning in circles without making progress.
Both patterns drain your mental energy and keep you locked in a state of fear and inaction. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to live here anymore.
Overthinking feels like you’re doing something. It tricks your brain into believing you’re in control when, in reality, you’re just spinning your wheels. Especially on a fertility journey, this need for control can turn into endless Googling, obsessing over timelines, and second-guessing every decision.
But here’s the catch: overthinking doesn’t create control. It creates chaos. And it’s a habit deeply ingrained in your neurons and nervous system from years (or decades) of repetition. Breaking free requires consistent effort—but it’s entirely possible.
Let’s dive into the practical steps you can take to interrupt these patterns and reclaim your mental clarity.
Rumination is all about made-up stories that don’t serve you. Here’s how to shut it down:
Catch Yourself in the Act: Pay attention to when your thoughts start spinning fictional “what-if” scenarios. Awareness is the first step.
Say, “We Don’t Live Here Anymore”: This simple phrase is your mental STOP sign. When you catch yourself spiraling, say it out loud or in your head. It’s a powerful way to interrupt the thought pattern.
Refocus Your Energy: Shift your attention to something grounding. This could be taking a walk, doing a short meditation, or engaging in an activity that requires focus.
Repeat as Needed: Don’t expect perfection. Interrupting rumination is like building a muscle—it takes time and repetition.
Overthinking focuses on real problems but keeps you stuck because those problems are often out of your control. Here’s how to deal with it:
Pause and Breathe: Take a deep breath and sit with what you’re feeling. Acknowledge your emotions without judgment.
Ask, “Is This Really True?”: Challenge the thought. For example, if you’re thinking, I’m too old to get pregnant, ask yourself: Is this fear taking over, or is it a proven fact?
Focus on What You Can Control: Redirect your energy to actionable steps that matter, like improving your cellular health or creating a solid self-care routine.
Use Compassion: Overthinking often stems from fear. Instead of beating yourself up, approach yourself with kindness. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best.
Here’s the thing: breaking free from overthinking and rumination isn’t an overnight fix. It’s about persistence over perfection. Every time you interrupt a negative thought pattern, you’re creating tiny new neural pathways. Over time, those pathways will grow stronger, and the mental chaos will quiet down.
It’s okay if you catch yourself spiraling again and again. The key is consistency. Even if you have to say, “We don’t live here anymore” a hundred times in one day, you’re making progress. And the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
Your fertility journey is about more than just your physical health. Your mindset and energy play a huge role in creating the family of your dreams. By letting go of overthinking and rumination, you free up mental space to focus on what truly matters: trusting your body, following your intuition, and taking aligned action.
Remember, overthinking doesn’t prevent bad things from happening. It only robs you of your peace in the present moment. And the more you practice letting go, the more space you create for joy, love, and creativity—all of which support your body’s natural ability to thrive.
Breaking the cycles of overthinking and rumination isn’t easy, but it’s 100% worth it. Start small, stay consistent, and remind yourself that you’re not stuck. With each interrupted thought, you’re rewiring your brain and stepping closer to the clarity and calm you deserve.
You’ve got this. Now go tell your overthinking brain: “We don’t live here anymore.”
Let's Do This Together 💚 Monica
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Anything written or said about health and diet are my opinions, that I have formed over the years, through trial and error, study, reading, listening and observing. What worked for me, may not work for you. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or dietician and all medical advice should be gotten from a qualified professional. Product recommendations are based on what I used during my infertility journey or wish I had
Full Transcript:
00:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.
00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.
00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve.
00:51
Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes, holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friday, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I am so honored you are here becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Before we get started, we are going to do another little mini meditation.
01:19
to help us let go of overthinking. Remember, use safety and caution when you are driving a vehicle. Do not shut your eyes or take your hands off the wheel. For anyone else, if you can get in a comfortable position and close your eyes, that's amazing. If not, you can do this with your eyes open and just feel the presence of the words and the visualizations and the energy.
01:47
So take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Let your shoulders drop and your body soften as you settle into this moment.
02:01
Bring attention to the soles of your feet, imagining roots growing out from the bottom of your feet, reaching deep into the earth. These roots grow stronger and deeper with each breath, anchoring you into the steady, solid support of Mother Earth. Feel the connection as your roots spread wide, stabilizing you. With every exhale, release any tension, worry, or heaviness. Trust in your heart.
02:30
that the earth has your back. And silently or aloud, say to yourself, I am grounded. I am supported by the earth. I release all that no longer serve me. Take a few moments to feel that calm strength of energy and the connection as if the earth is whispering back to you. You are safe. You are held.
03:00
Now with a solid connection to the earth, bring your awareness to a river flowing nearby. Picture it in your mind, a steady, gentle stream, its waters glistening in the sunlight. Notice how the water flows effortlessly, carrying leaves, twigs, and anything that drifts into its path. It doesn't hold on. It doesn't resist.
03:27
It simply allows the current to carry everything away.
03:34
Begin to notice the thoughts swirling in your mind. Imagine each thought, each worry, or what if as a leaf. Thoughts like, am I doing enough? What if I make the wrong choice? Why can't I stop overthinking this? Visualize placing each thought gently onto a leaf. Watch as the leaf lands on the river and floats away, carried by the current. One by one.
04:02
Place your thoughts onto the river and allow them to drift downstream, far from your mind.
04:21
Now to get yourself into a quick full brain state, imagine the figure eight from left to right in your brain. Again and again, trace the figure eight from left to right.
04:40
Take a deep breath and say, I release what I cannot control. I let go of the need to have all the answers right now. I trust the flow of life.
04:57
Feel the heavy emotions in your body melting away as you let the river do its work, carrying away your overthinking. Allow yourself to sink deeper into the calm of this moment.
05:17
Now I want you to bring your focus to your heart with that figure eight still going at the top of your brain. And I want you to draw a figure eight from your heart to your brain.
05:31
again and again, connecting your heart and your brain together.
05:38
I want you to imagine a warm golden light glowing at the center of your heart.
05:45
And with each inhale, the light grows bigger and more connected to your brain and your whole body.
05:56
With each exhale, feel it spread even deeper and wider, feeling you with peace and stillness.
06:10
And then repeat silently or aloud. I am safe to trust myself. I am grounded and calm. I choose clarity over chaos.
06:26
Feel this calm energy radiate from your heart, spreading out to your body, your mind, and beyond.
06:35
even into your grounded roots, down to Mother Earth.
06:51
When you're ready, gently bring your awareness back to your breath, taking a deep inhale through your nose, feeling the earth beneath you and exhaling through your mouth, releasing anything else you're ready to let go of.
07:09
When you're ready, imagine your roots slowly drawing back into your feet, leaving you grounded yet free. Wiggle your fingers and your toes, bring yourself back to the present moment, open your eyes if you had them closed, carrying this grounded calm energy with you into the rest of your day. Because you are grounded, you are calm, and you are free. You let go of what no longer serves you.
07:39
and you trust the flow of life. Overthinking is something I think every single woman, especially who are type A and overdoers, it just overtakes our lives. And it's really been a habit that we have almost ingrained into our neurons that fire and wire again and again and again. And so,
08:08
There is no quick fix to reverse this habit. Our thoughts are our thoughts, they come and go, but it's really our choice to how we deal with them and how we move with them. And so it was a really fun week writing with actually just Monique and Mabel. I thought it would be really fun for Monique to come into Mabel's world of overthinking.
08:37
And I think this story this week is just something that every woman out there can relate to. And there's two sections to this part, but I'm going to read you a little snippet from the second part because we have all been there. And I really hope that this helps you see that it is time to start taking radical action.
09:02
And I'm gonna dive into the difference between rumination and overworrying that we cover or what I cover in the story in the first section. But first I wanna read you a little bit from Mabel's Late Night. Later that night, Mabel lay in bed staring at the ceiling as the soft hum of the fan filled the room. The clock on her nightstand read 11 47 p.m. But sleep felt like a distant dream.
09:32
Her mind had locked into her favorite target for ruthless analysis, her age, 39. She sighed and rolled to her side. That number carried a weight she couldn't shake like it was etched in bold letters across her forehead, flashing neon with every passing thought, a relentless reminder that time, always the cruelest companion, wasn't on her side.
09:59
What if I'm too old? she whispered into the darkness. Her chest tightened as her thoughts spun faster. What if all the good eggs are gone? What if I waited too long and now my body just can't do it? She closed her eyes, willing herself to stop, but the spiral had already taken hold. What if this is my last chance and I blow it? What if it's already too late and no one wants to tell me?
10:24
What if all those fertility blogs were right and 35 really was the cutoff? Her heart race as her mind conjured images of ticking clocks and expiration dates. She felt the familiar panic rising, her breath quickening, when suddenly a voice sliced through the chaos. Oh, for crying out loud, Mabel. Are we seriously doing this again? Monique shook her head, her voice dripping.
10:54
with mock disbelief. What did we talk about this morning in the kitchen? Rumination, over worrying, and staying out of the land of what if? Did it just all fly out the window the second the lights went out? Her eyes shot open. Monique was perched on the edge of her dresser, arms crossed, looking completely unimpressed. Mabel groaned, dragging a pillow over her face. Monique, it's almost midnight, can you not?
11:23
Monique smirked, hopping down and sauntering over to the bed. Oh, I can not. But clearly you can't stop this ridiculous overthinking. So here I am. What's tonight special? Ah, yes, your age. Classic choice. Mabel peeked out from under the pillow. Her voice muffled. It's not ridiculous. It's real.
11:49
I'm old." Monique raised an eyebrow, her smirk softened into something closer to exasperation. Old? Babe, you're not old. You're seasoned. Like fine wine. Except you're the one forgetting how good you've still got it. Mabel sat up, glared. Easy for you to say. You're not the one on a deadline. Every day that passes feels like a countdown to failure. Failure? Monique scoffed, pulling up a chair and sitting backward on it.
12:18
her chin resting on her arms. Let me ask you this, how has worrying about your age ever stopped the clock? Did all that mental gymnastics buy you an extra ovulation cycle or two? Mabel folded her arms, biting her lip. No, but nothing, Monique interrupted. Her tone was sharp now. You don't get to control time, Mabel. News flash, no one does.
12:46
So you've got two choices. You can either keep freaking out over something you can't control, or you can use that energy for something that actually matters. Like, I don't know, sleep? Mabel exhaled slowly, her shoulders sagging. It's not that simple. Of course it's not, Monique said, her voice softening just a touch. But you know what makes it harder? You. You turning that calendar into a weapon against yourself.
13:15
Stop fighting time and start working with it. Mabel blink confused. How do I work with it? Monique leaned in her gay study by showing up for yourself every damn day, not with panic, but with purpose. You're not old Mabel. You're too busy buying into a bullshit story that says you are. So let's talk about the evil twins of overthinking, rumination and over worrying.
13:44
Rumination is that internal drama factory where your brain starts spinning imaginary stories, you take one tiny thought like, what if my eggs are too old, and suddenly you've got a mental Oscar winning screenplay about losing everything you love. But here's the kicker, it's all fiction. None of it has actually happened. So overworrying, on the other hand, isn't about imaginary problems. It's about obsessing.
14:13
over real ones, things like your age or IVF timeline. These are actual facts, but you spin in circles because they're outside of your control. Both patterns are exhausting, but here's the good news, they don't have to run the show. So there's two tools to breaking the patterns of rumination and overworrying, and we're gonna treat them similar yet different because they're two different things, okay?
14:43
So for rumination, when you find yourself creating these crazy stories about your situation, the magic phrase is we don't live here anymore. So every time you catch yourself spiraling into a made up story, say it to yourself, or even if you can, say it out loud, we don't live here anymore. It's like slamming on the brakes when your brain is speeding down the what if lane.
15:10
Now for over worrying, this is a little bit different. It's more compassionate and it's more clarity. So first, when you find yourself over worrying about a real problem that you can't control, it's always good to check in with your breath. So you wanna take a deep breath in and sit with what you're actually feeling with no judgment. Then ask yourself, is this really true?
15:37
So for example, if your mind is screaming, I'm too old to get pregnant, pause and ask, is this fear taking over or is it a proven fact? Because really, it is the fear of something a little bit deeper that is getting expressed through something that society has told you is quote unquote true. We all know that cellular health
16:06
is way more important than your actual physical birthday. And the only reason your physical birthday has some, some relevance is because you've had more time for oxidative stress, inflammation, to mess with your cellular health. So it's, what's the phrase? Causation by correlation. I don't know.
16:32
probably completely made that up. Okay, so this is persistence over perfection because we are talking about decades of being worried of overthinking, of rumination. We definitely have some neurons firing and wiring and we have the nervous system. It feels safe to go there because that's been our safety zone. That's what's kept us safe. So you gotta get real with yourself. These tools aren't...
17:01
like instant fixes. If you use them once and expect your brain to stop overthinking forever, you're gonna be really disappointed. And Monique even said to Mabel in the story, oh babe, you've tried it once? That's like doing one pushup and expecting to wake up with biceps. We're talking about rewiring years, like I said, maybe decades of patterning.
17:27
So every time you interrupt a thought that you is just spiraling out of control, you're creating a tiny new neural pathway. And over time, those pathways are gonna get stronger and stronger and the chaos is gonna get quieter and quieter. So remember this progress isn't about perfection, it's about consistency. When I first learned this life hack, it's...
17:54
I would like go into rumination because that was that was my key go-to I would tell myself like bitch we don't live here anymore and like five minutes later I'd be Deeper into the story and then catch myself and have to say it again Um, it took me months, you know, um to really just dial it down and now it just happens less and less and I actually
18:19
um, catch myself even quicker. So if I do go into rumination, I catch myself a lot quicker. I tell myself we don't live here anymore and I continue on my day. So I, I'm really truly here to, you know, once again be that kind of example that if you stay consistent with these things, it will radically change your life. I know it seems super easy. Well, it's not easy, but like, it's not...
18:46
like a deep meditation or yoga or, you know, a shamanic journey. Like, those are all great. But like I keep saying, the magic is in the mundane-ness. And the more you show up for yourself, really the quicker you're going to get to your ultimate goal. Okay, so you might be wondering, how do I know which one I'm dealing with? Rumination or over worrying? Here's a quick trick.
19:11
Ask yourself if the thought is based on reality, if it's a complete made up scenario, that's rumination. If it's something real but outside of your control, like your age, that's over worrying. Learning to spot the difference is the first step to shutting down these patterns. What if I tried these tools and thoughts, just keep coming. We already tackled this, but I'm gonna tell you once again, it's the total norm. You're not doing anything wrong, it just takes.
19:40
consistency to fire and rewire those neurons. Okay, and here's a biggie. Why are you overthinking in the first place? For many of us, overthinking is a way to feel in control. Remember, it's our nervous system. It's just felt. It's felt good for so long because we have felt the fear and out of control.
20:06
Especially in a fertility journey, remember we're taking the patterns we were running before and just applying them to our fertility If I research enough, if I plan enough, if I obsess enough, maybe I can prevent bad things from happening Here's the catch, overthinking doesn't create control, it creates chaos I'm sure you have felt that, I'm sure you are over overthinking and rumination
20:36
And that is a great sign because that's a radical responsibility. When you start really looking at yourself and going, yeah, I do that. Okay. It's not healthy. It's not helping. It's reinforcing, those, I don't want to say negative, but the, the neurons, firing and wiring that way, creating chaos. It has felt safe in my nervous system. And now it's time to feel a different real safe in my nervous system.
21:05
And next week, we are gonna keep going with this and we're gonna explore this addiction to control and how it shows up in our actions, like filling every minute of the day with fertility to-do lists that aren't actually happening. This really ties into the addiction of being busy and how if we're busy, we're in control, we're doing something, we're gonna make it happen. But here's the thing.
21:35
Slowing down and sitting with those feelings is exactly what is gonna help you and what has helped me move forward in all aspects of our lives. So we are gonna unpack what it really means to slow down and let go of the addiction to busyness and create space for true healing, joy, love and creativity.
22:02
Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent, I put in the work, and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. By discovering the right path for you in the six essential steps, including diet, rest and recovery, energetics, awareness, mindset, and surrender, you can create the family of your dreams.
22:31
I know you've already downloaded the amazing free guide, but if you're ready to really truly step into real action, make sure you either grab the six steps to boost your embryos or look into Fertile Body for physical support, Fertile Mind for mindset and energetics, and if you want it all, that's where Dreams, the online course, comes in. Make sure for personal guidance, you can join a community session.
23:00
or book a one-to-one private call. And remember this, transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. Oh, and if you're still here and you love this podcast, please take some time to leave us a review. It's like literally the only way other people can find this podcast. So help a sister out.
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