From Infertility Chasing to Fertile Trusting: The Real Mindset Shift for Fertility Success

Finding Fertility

From Infertility Chasing to Fertile Trusting: The Real Mindset Shift for Fertility Success

15:45

 

 Fear of Success on Your Fertility Journey: Is It Secretly Holding You Back?

Introduction: The Fear No One Talks About in Infertility

When it comes to the fertility journey, we spend so much time talking about the fear of failure—the heartbreak of another negative pregnancy test, the anxiety over time slipping away, the endless “what ifs” that keep you up at night. But what if I told you that another fear, a much sneakier one, might be playing an even bigger role in keeping you stuck?

The fear of success is real. And it could be the very thing standing between you and your ultimate goal of getting and staying pregnant. Sounds wild, right? After all, isn’t success the thing we want? The thing we are working so hard to achieve?

Yes… and no. Because success means transformation. It means stepping into a version of yourself that you don’t fully know yet. And sometimes, that unknown feels more terrifying than staying in the struggle you’re used to.

This blog post dives deep into the hidden blocks that keep you trapped in “trying” mode, the subconscious fears of pregnancy and motherhood, and the powerful mindset shifts that can help you finally step into trust and receive the success you’ve been working for.

Why Your Brain Might Be Sabotaging Your Fertility Success

If you’ve been on this journey for a while, you know the drill—obsessive researching, tracking every symptom, tweaking your diet, adding another supplement, jumping into the next protocol. You’re doing all the things—so why isn’t it working?

Your logical brain says: “I want this baby more than anything.” But your subconscious mind? That’s a different story.

Because deep down, success means change. And change can feel… overwhelming.

Here’s how fear of success might be creeping into your journey:

• You don’t fully believe you deserve this. If, on some level, you feel unworthy of becoming a mother, your subconscious will find ways to keep you stuck in the struggle.
• You’re terrified of the unknown. Right now, your identity is wrapped up in “the woman who is trying.” Who are you if you’re no longer chasing?
• You associate pregnancy with pressure. The moment that test turns positive, the stakes get even higher—what if something goes wrong? What if you “mess it up”?
• Your brain sees success as just another way to fail. Right now, you might believe pregnancy will bring relief, but deep down, the pressure to “do it right” could be just as intense.
• You’re addicted to control. The fertility journey can feel like a never-ending science experiment, and letting go of that control might feel more terrifying than continuing the chase.

Are You More Comfortable Trying Than Succeeding?

One of the biggest signs that fear of success is running the show is this: you feel more comfortable in the pursuit than in the arrival.

Think about it: for so long, you’ve been “the woman trying to conceive.” That’s who you are. It’s how you relate to your partner, your friends, your doctors. It’s how you structure your days.

The idea of not being her anymore? That can feel like a loss—even though it’s exactly what you want.

So how do you break free? You have to shift from chasing to trusting.

The real work isn’t in finding the next best supplement, protocol, or test. The real work is in learning how to be with the version of you that is pregnant and thriving. And that starts with rewiring your belief system so that success feels safe.

Three Questions to Help You Move Past the Fear of Success

If you’re reading this thinking, holy crap, this is me, then it’s time for some deep inner work. Here are three powerful questions to sit with:

1. Why do I feel more comfortable being the woman who is trying rather than being the woman who is pregnant?
2. If I stop chasing and just trust, who even am I? What does that version of me look and feel like?
3. How do I let go of the identity of the one who is trying when I’ve been living in it for so long?

Sit with these questions. Journal on them. Meditate on them. If you start feeling that familiar anxiety bubble up, instead of jumping into another task or distraction, go sit under a tree. I’m serious. Let yourself feel the discomfort of not doingand start rewiring your nervous system to feel safe in stillness.

How to Shift from “Doing” to “Being” in Your Fertility Journey

If fear of success is showing up for you, here’s what you can start doing today to shift your mindset and energy:

✔️ Acknowledge the fear. Awareness is everything. The moment you recognize that fear of success is at play, you take away its power.

✔️ Rewire your self-worth. You are inherently worthy of becoming a mother. Not because of how hard you’ve worked for it, not because of how much you know, but simply because you exist.

✔️ Slow the heck down. If your brain is wired for chasing, slowing down might feel uncomfortable—but that’s exactly where the work is.

✔️ Visualize your success. Start seeing yourself as the pregnant woman, as the mother, as the version of you who has already succeeded. If you can’t imagine it, it will always feel out of reach.

✔️ Trust that your body is on your side. You are not broken. Your body is not fighting you. It’s time to shift from battle mode to partnership.

It’s Time to Trust Yourself

Fear of success is sneaky. It hides behind busyness, perfectionism, and the constant need for more. But the truth is, the woman you’re working so hard to become already exists within you.

You don’t need another expert to tell you what to do. You don’t need another protocol to follow. You need to trust yourself.

Because the moment you stop chasing and start being—that’s when the real magic happens.

Listen to the Podcast: From Infertility Chasing to Fertile Trusting: The Real Mindset Shift for Fertility Succes

READ: Truth #5: Mabel's Fear of Success

We’re Doing This Together,
💚 Monica

Finding Fertility

Grieving Together: 10 Things Monica Sees in Mabel’s Journey That Are Causing Unnecessary Chaos

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Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

Full transcript: 

00:00
Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.

00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.

00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes holding you back. Let's do this together.

01:03
Happy Friday, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I am completely honored that you are here with me becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. We are back with Monique, Monica, and Mabel, and we are talking about fear of success. Now, I know this sounds crazy when we're talking about finally being successful with a pregnancy.

01:33
but there might be some hidden subconscious BS lurking in the background that's keeping you stuck. So fear of success is real and especially in a fertility journey, whether you want to believe it or not, this is your episode to explore it and break through some of those silent blocks. So it's not just the fear of failing that's holding you back, right?

02:00
but also the fear of what happens if this actually works. Getting pregnant means stepping into an entirely new version of yourself, one you don't fully know yet, and that can feel overwhelming. Your brain doesn't see success as freedom. This is a possibility. It might see it as another way to mess up.

02:26
Right now, you might believe pregnancy will bring you relief, but deep down, the pressure to do it right can just be as intense. Your brain starts asking, what if I'm not good at being pregnant? You might be scared of the labor and delivery. You might be scared of the pregnancy. Oh, this is like a big one, I think for most people.

02:56
What if I don't deserve this? What if I mess up? So your brain can go to various different places. I'm sure we've all been there and I really want to help you move out of that fear of success. So remember, we are just running the same patterns that got programmed into us over decades before we even started trying to conceive. We're just repeating how we were moving.

03:26
before and we've brought it into this fertility journey. The shift from chasing to trusting is the real work. It's easy to stay in a loop of doing more research, more protocols, more control. But remember, the real magic is when you stop overcompensating and start trusting yourself. It's about learning how to be with the version of you that is pregnant.

03:56
and empowered and that version already exists. You are already the one who is capable of receiving what she dreams. Now the fear of success obviously comes from a deep rooted subconscious programming, like I mentioned before, often shaped from a childhood experiences, social conditioning and unresolved emotions. Now if you

04:26
start looking into this, there's like a kind of a lot, there's a lot of reasons why you might have a fear of success. But the big one that I want to just spend a little bit of time on is the unworthiness. If you deep down don't believe you deserve to become a mother, you'll subconsciously create obstacles to prevent it. And this is in

04:56
the unability, if that's a word, to stop doing. Almost a hundred percent of people who I'm having conversations with either in the fertility breakthrough sessions or one-on-one or the group sessions, they have all the knowledge. I can't give you any more knowledge about the physical stuff. Maybe a little bit more about the energetics.

05:25
subconscious mind really to help you see your holes. But you know this information, you know meditation, you know you need to reduce your workload, your stress load, you know all of this, but as bringing it into coherence and actually doing it, that's keeping you stuck. And so when you feel unworthy of doing something, you will then do the things that make you feel worthy. A lot of us have been taught, well,

05:55
all just do, do, do, see, look at what I've created, look at my job, look at my house, look at all the things that I have. And you're seeking that worthiness out of the outside. This is going to be one of the hardest things to do. And you'll see in Mabel's journey, if you're actually going and reading these like blog posts, these little chapters, I kind of feel like we keep talking about the same thing, but this is the most important thing I think.

06:23
the collective of women who have done the research, who are doing the things need to hear. And hopefully it being repeated, maybe in a different way, every chapter, it will click. The key to this is obviously if you have, you know, anything big to uncover that unravel it, peel back the layers. If you're like, no, like I don't.

06:50
I don't have anything big, but I can't stop doing. I've done the work. The magic is in the mundane. When you feel that anxiety or like I have to do, going and sitting under a tree is the quickest way to get rid of that and sit in the uncomfortableness of not doing. Okay. So while you're sitting underneath that tree,

07:19
I've got three questions for you. They're going to be down in the show notes. So don't worry if you're driving, you will have access to these, but this is where you can sit and ponder and let that anxiety bubble up in you and ask yourself questions. Get in that whole brain state if you need to. You don't need to go into a huge deep meditation for this, but ask yourself these questions and see if you can get a breakthrough to help you.

07:49
be more and do less. So the first question is, why do I feel more comfortable being the woman who's trying rather than being the woman who's pregnant?

08:04
If I stop chasing and just trust, who even am I? What does that version of me look like? And better yet, how does she feel? How do I let go of the identity of the one who's trying when I've been living in it for so long? Now, if this episode has hit you in the gut,

08:34
And if you are still thinking holy sh I T I do this, I am actually afraid of getting what I want. I want you to pay attention to that feeling. I want you to really just allow it to bubble up and you're going to release it. You're going to let it go and you're going to bring in that feeling from question two.

09:03
What does the version who trusts or who is even pregnant right now, what does she feel like? Because the thing is, is that if you cannot at least like 80 % let go of some of this BS, it's going to follow you into pregnancy. And you are going to be, I mean, I'm telling you right now, if you have high anxiety,

09:31
anxiety over fertility issues, pregnancy is going to be a different level. It's going to be a different level. And I want you to be able to be in a state of rest and ease as much as possible during your pregnancy, because there's no scientific evidence, right? Because you can't do a study on pregnant women. It'd be unethical. But there are enough factors. There's actually a really good book called The

10:00
origins, the nine months, I'll put it down in the show notes. And this woman studied a community up in like Canada, I think, who went through like an ice storm and there was a bunch of pregnant women and she followed them. And what that stress did had an effect on their children. And it did. It had a really big effect on them. So the more you can bring down that cortisol, the better.

10:29
So this fear of success can be deeply connected to something else. And that's your identity. You might be identifying as the one who has the struggle, right? This is definitely a little bit of victim mode and hopefully we're slowly leaving that identity behind. But if you still feel like you are identifying as this person, that's just what you're going to create in your life.

10:59
For so long, you have been the woman who's trying. That's who you are. That's how you relate to yourself, to your partner, to your doctors, maybe even to your friends. Trust me, my eight-year journey, I was the one with the fertility issues. The ideal of not being her anymore, as crazy as that may seem, like, course we don't want to be that person anymore. But you can still feel like that's a loss.

11:29
even though that's what we want more than anything. So in the next episode, we're going to talk about what it really means to let go of the identity of the one who is trying. We're going to talk about hope and how we use hope as a bridge into more abundant emotions that is going to really get us to our ultimate goal.

11:58
and really help you once again shift into that version of the you who's ready to receive. So make sure you're subscribed to the podcast. You don't miss a beat. Make sure you are going and reading these chapters, episodes. I'm not really sure what to call them. They're really good, guys. Like really good. I know I wrote them, but like...

12:25
Sometimes I read them and I'm like giggling or I have the emotion that I like I just know how it feels and I'm writing them so you can really get into coherence to everything that you've learned that you've studied and you can really just put it into into practice So thank you so much for joining me here on finding fertility super honored and until next time have a beautiful week

12:56
Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent. put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. And I have something for my loyal podcast listeners, but here's the key. This is only for women who are feeling burnt out, frustrated, and stuck in the cycle of endless research. And you're at a point

13:25
where you are screaming, I have tried everything, why isn't this working? This only works for women who are ready to take a radical responsibility for their journey and start listening to their body's innate wisdom because deep down you know you can heal and achieve your ultimate goal. If that's not you yet, that's okay. Not everyone is ready yet to show up with ease

13:52
deeply connect to their energy, unlock subconscious patterns, and listen to their body's ability to come into full coherence. But for those who are ready, I'm offering something I only do with my paying clients, and this is a fertility breakthrough session. This is the first thing I do, even before I start really deeply working with someone in a coaching package. It's a deep dive session where we look at exactly

14:21
where you are right now, what's keeping you stuck, and the easy shifts that can change everything. But fair warning, these sessions are very limited and go fast. So if you're interested in checking out my superpower for uncovering exactly what's been overlooked, jump into one of these free calls. They're deep, they're intuitive, and they're game changing. The only way you can access this is if you actually personally message me.

14:50
You can do it on your favorite platform, IG, TikTok, or at my personal email, monica at findingfertility.co, not .com because they wanted $3,000 for the M with just one word. And that word is dreams, obviously D-R-E-A-M-S. And I'll make sure you get that link right away. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself.

15:19
Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below. And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.