Week 18: The Hidden Pattern Keeping You Stuck in IVF & Fertility Burnout

It wasn’t the breakdowns that changed anything.

Those moments felt loud and significant, like something meaningful was finally happening, like I was getting somewhere. But when I look back now, they weren’t the moments that created change. They just felt that way because they were intense.

What actually changed things was everything in between. The parts I used to ignore. The parts that felt too ordinary to matter.

I used to move through my days without really being in them. Not in an obvious way. It looked like I was present. I was getting things done, taking care of my kids, showing up, doing all the things I thought I was supposed to do. But underneath it, there was always this quiet sense of rushing. Even when I wasn’t physically rushing, there was this internal pressure to move on to the next thing.

I filled the space without realizing I was doing it. There was always something playing in my ears, something to learn, something to fix, something to stay ahead of. Even when I told myself I was resting, there was still a purpose behind it. It was never just rest for the sake of being.

At the time, it didn’t feel like avoidance. It felt like responsibility. It felt like I was staying on top of things, being productive, doing what needed to be done. That’s what made it so hard to see. There was nothing obviously wrong with it.

But there was this constant hum underneath everything. A subtle tension that never really turned off. Like something might slip if I stopped paying attention.

So I didn’t stop.

Even in moments where nothing was required of me, I still felt like I needed to be doing something. And I didn’t question it, because it had been there for so long it just felt like part of who I was.

It took time to recognize that nothing outside of me was actually asking for that level of effort. Life wasn’t demanding it. My body wasn’t asking for it. It was just a pattern that had been running quietly in the background.

And patterns don’t announce themselves. They don’t come in with a clear beginning or an obvious explanation. They just repeat, over and over, until one day you notice them.

For me, it happened in a moment that didn’t look like anything special. I was in the kitchen, doing something simple, and there was nothing wrong, nothing urgent, nothing pulling at me. And yet I still felt this urge to reach for something. My phone, a podcast, the next task. Anything to fill the space.

That was the first time I really saw it. Not as a concept, but as something happening in real time.

I didn’t change it right away. But I couldn’t unsee it.

I started noticing how often I was leaving the moment I was in. How often I was trying to get somewhere else, even when there was nowhere to go.

And slowly, without forcing anything, I stayed a little longer.

Not in a perfect way. Not every time. But enough to start feeling what was actually there underneath the movement.

Sometimes it was just quiet. Nothing dramatic, nothing uncomfortable, just stillness that I wasn’t used to sitting in.

Other times, there was a layer of restlessness or irritation that I had been moving past without realizing it. Nothing overwhelming, just small emotions that hadn’t been given space to exist.

And the more I stopped interrupting those moments, the less intense they felt. It was like they didn’t need to be managed once I stopped trying to control them.

There wasn’t a breakthrough moment where everything suddenly made sense. It didn’t feel like that.

It felt more like something slowly unwinding.

The urgency softened. The constant need to be doing something eased. Not because I fixed anything, but because I stopped running from it.

What surprised me the most was how little effort it actually took. I had spent so long thinking presence was something I needed to work at, something I needed to get better at, something I needed to practice.

But it was already there.

It only felt hard because I was so used to leaving it.

Over time, a few things became clearer in a way that didn’t feel like learning, just recognizing.

Most of what I thought needed managing didn’t actually need it. The pressure I felt wasn’t coming from life itself, it was coming from how I was meeting it. Pushing harder never made anything move faster, it just made everything inside feel louder. And the quiet I had been avoiding was never the problem, it was the place where things finally started to settle.

There’s a version of this that could turn into advice or something to apply, but that’s not what it felt like from the inside.

It felt like finally staying long enough in my own life to see what had been there the whole time.

Nothing added. Nothing forced.

Just less leaving.

And somehow, that shifted everything.

Listen Now: The Hidden Pattern Keeping You Stuck in IVF & Fertility Burnout

Week 19: The Subtle Shift From Anxiety to Trust in IVF & Fertility

 Let's Do This Together 💚

Monica 

Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

🌺 Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today 

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Full Transcript:

00:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.

00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.

00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Fighting fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friday y'all, welcome back to another-

01:05
of Finding Fertility. I am so honored you're here. Week 18. Now, if you're just finding this at week 18, I highly recommend you go back down, start with week one, and slowly work your way up. I promise you this is magic for everyone who's been here for the 18 weeks. Congratulations. You are doing hard work. I bet you...

01:32
Let's say a thousand people started listening to this. I bet you 897 of them have left. It's hard work guys. This slow work, especially in a fertility journey, we did a whole week about time pressure. So be very proud of yourself if you're truly showing up doing this work. So up until now, you've been noticing patterns of control, overdoing, time pressure, judgment. You've been learning how to stay present without turning awareness into work.

02:01
This week we're bringing all of that into the most overlooked place of all, the mundane. And you guys know I love and hate the mundane equally. But I also know the mundane is where the magic, this is where my life radically change and continues to radically change is in those mundane moments. I don't feel the pull to escape, to escape my life. I wanted to figure out

02:31
As a busy, homeschooling mom of two boys now who did not have the luxury of escape long weekends away, I don't have family here to have the kids easily interested in paying someone a lot of money to have my kids either. Listen, I had to figure out a way to do all of this work with kids.

02:53
Women who are dealing with secondary fertility issues, this one's for you because it is harder. I'm just going to say it. It is harder to do this stuff when you are taking care of a little one. So those still in the waiting. If you can look at this as, oh I've got some time, I'm going to do this work. You have a little bit of advantage because you have more time, you have more space.

03:17
So I know it's this kind of like, I hate it when people say that to me, but I understand it now, I understand it. The big moments are amazing. I'm not saying that they do not change things. I'm definitely not saying that healers and intuitives and spirit baby readings, all those things, love it. But I know for 99 % of us, that's not where true lasting change happens.

03:48
It is the ordinary parts of your day that usually pass unnoticed when you're doing the dishes, when you're driving your car, when you are folding the laundry, when you're at yet another fertility appointment, when you're making yet another clean eating dish, when all you want is ice cream and a cookie, in the waiting. This is where presence becomes embodied.

04:18
And not because you're trying to be present, but because nothing is demanding your attention elsewhere. Transformation doesn't happen when you're thinking about change. It happens when your nervous system, when your fascia, when your emotions are able to act like waves, when you allow your body to experience safety in ordinary moments.

04:47
So this week is all about noticing one small moment where you're not rushing through it. You're not performing through it. You're not optimizing it. You are not listening to yet another... Don't turn this podcast off, but you know what I'm saying. Yet another long format, super knowledge-based. You're listening to that podcast. You're listening to this book. You're doing old things. Take your earphones out after this is done. And just being there.

05:17
in the quiet, in the stillness, in the mundane-ness of it all. Notice how your body feels when nothing is required from you, when you're not seeking the next answer, when you're not numbing out, scrolling, or overdoing the Netflix. Notice. Hopefully you're gonna notice an absence of urgency. And if you don't, remember, become the ultimate observer observing the observer.

05:48
Tell yourself you're safe. Put your hand on your heart and go, you're safe being here. Notice how little effort it takes to be present when you stop overdoing it. All these moments, they just feel completely insignificant. But the truth about how you pattern is not necessarily from those big traumas, right?

06:12
I've talked about it before. I had a really hard time even facing my patterns and my emotions because I didn't come from this big trauma life. But the more I study and the more I understand how the nervous system is wired, how the fascia holds information, how your patterns, how your neurons fire and wire together, it's in the mundane. All these little moments. I'm not saying that the big moments don't matter, they do matter.

06:42
But in the reality for a lot of us, it's just little moment after little moment again and again. And we didn't have parents who were becoming aware, who were becoming conscious, because I am not the perfect parent, not even close. I didn't even get into any of this stuff well after I had both of my boys. So even when I do quote unquote mess up, I don't judge myself over it. I apologize to myself and to my boys.

07:11
say mommy's still learning, mommy's doing better, and that's all that matters. But I know for a fact that these little moments add up and become your frequency, become your patterns, become your neurons, become your fascia, become your nervous system. So be graceful to yourself. It took you decades to get to where you are, a lot of it unconsciously. So...

07:40
you can consciously create a different world so much quicker. It just seems harder because you're consciously living it and you're having to do the work. So these moments teach your system that life does not need to be managed to be safe again and again. And your little reminder this week, if you're doing sticky notes, a reminder on your phone, you have a piece of jewelry, you can touch it and just simply say here.

08:09
as a return to yourself, knowing that the mundane is not where you get stuck, it's where you stabilize. We're gonna be moving in to week 19, and we're gonna notice next week how all these little small moments of presence begin to change how your reality to yourself and to your life as a whole shifts.

08:35
Even if your physical world hasn't changed yet, you're not pregnant yet, you didn't get the job, you're not a millionaire yet, whatever it is, but that, doesn't have the death grip, the control, the narrative, that frequency that was buzzing behind either silently or very loud. It doesn't have that anymore. So have a beautiful Friday, have a beautiful week, and we will see you next week for week 19.

09:04
Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent. I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below.

09:31
And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.