The Secret to Fertility Success, Trusting Your Body & Breaking Free from the Infertility Struggle

Finding Fertility

The Secret to Fertility Success, Trusting Your Body & Breaking Free from the Infertility Struggle

18:27

 

Breaking Free from the “Trying” Identity: How Letting Go Can Change Your Fertility Journey

Are You Stuck in the Identity of “The One Who’s Trying”? Here’s How It’s Holding You Back

If you’ve been on your fertility journey for a while, you might not even realize how much your identity has become wrapped up in trying. You’re the one who’s always researching, always adjusting your diet, always testing, always searching for the thing that’s going to make it happen.

But what if I told you that holding onto this identity might actually be keeping you stuck? That the very thing you’re clinging to—hope, control, the constant search for answers—is actually blocking the transformation you’re craving?

The Hidden Block That No One Talks About

In this episode of Finding Fertility, we dive into the deep, subconscious ways that identifying as “the one who’s trying” keeps you locked in a cycle of wanting, rather than having.

It’s an easy trap to fall into. After all, you’ve been on this journey for so long. You’ve done the acupuncture, the fertility diets, the endless supplements. You’ve tracked, tested, and tweaked. And yet… still waiting. Still hoping. Still searching.

And that’s the problem.

Because you can’t have and want at the same time.

If you’re constantly in a state of wanting pregnancy, you’re reinforcing the belief that it’s missing. Your energy is focused on the lack rather than the reality that your body is already capable. The shift? Moving from wanting to having—from desperate pursuit to radical trust.

Why “Trying” Is Keeping You Stuck

Think about it—when was the last time you truly lived outside of your fertility journey? When was the last time you felt pure joy, without the shadow of “what if it doesn’t happen” hanging over you?

If your identity is wrapped up in trying, then letting go might feel impossible. It might even feel like giving up. But here’s the truth:

🚫 Letting go is NOT the same as giving up.

Letting go means dropping the stress and control. It means stepping into the version of you that already knows it’s happening. Because when you start living in that energy—when you embody the belief that your body already knows how to do fertility—you stop reinforcing the struggle.

Is Hope Keeping You Stuck?

Hope can be a beautiful thing… until it’s not.

If hope is the thing that keeps you moving forward, that helps you take the next best step, that reminds you there is possibility—then hope is working for you.

But if hope has become an exhausting cycle of waiting, of wishing, of gripping so tightly that you’re emotionally drained, then it’s no longer serving you.

Because hope was never meant to be a destination. It’s a bridge. A stepping stone to trust, surrender, and joy. And if you stay stuck in hope, you’ll never cross over into having.

How to Shift from Wanting to Having

So, how do you actually do this? How do you move out of this identity and start embodying the version of you that trusts her body, her journey, and her timeline?

1️⃣ Recognize Your Subconscious Labels – If you’re constantly saying, “I have infertility,” your subconscious is going to believe it and act accordingly. Instead, shift your mindset to I am healing, I am creating the perfect environment for my baby, or My body is capable of pregnancy.

2️⃣ Release the Energy of Desperation – White-knuckling this journey isn’t getting you closer to pregnancy—it’s creating stress, which directly impacts fertility. Your body needs to feel safe before it will prioritize reproduction.

3️⃣ Live in the Energy of Knowing – The women who experience the biggest transformations are the ones who shift into a deep knowing that their baby is already coming. They stop waiting and start living.

4️⃣ Make Joy a Priority – If your entire life revolves around fertility, your energy is stuck in waiting. Instead, start bringing joy back into your life. Do the things that make you feel alive—even if they have nothing to do with getting pregnant.

Your Body Already Knows How to Do Fertility

Here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear: Your body already knows how to get and stay pregnant. It’s designed for this.

But if it doesn’t feel safe, if it’s in fight-or-flight, if you’re constantly micromanaging every symptom, it’s going to prioritize survival over reproduction.

Your job? Create the conditions that allow it to thrive. Release stress. Trust. Take aligned action. And stop gripping so tightly that you suffocate the very thing you want most.

Because when you shift from trying to having, from hoping to knowing, everything changes.

Are You Ready to Break the Cycle?

If you’re nodding your head like, “Oh crap, this is me,” then it’s time to shift. And I’m here to help.

Next week, I’m dropping an episode that’s going to take you even deeper—where I’ll show you exactly how to uncover the hidden blocks keeping you in the cycle of trying instead of receiving.

But until then, your challenge: Let go. Just a little. Just enough to breathe. Just enough to start stepping into the energy of having—and trust that your body knows exactly what to do.

It’s time to let go, beautiful soul. Because having starts now.

Listen to the Podcast: The Secret to Fertility Success, Trusting Your Body & Breaking Free from the Infertility Struggle

READ: Truth #6: The Identity of ‘The One Who’s Trying’

We’re Doing This Together,
💚 Monica

Finding Fertility

Grieving Together: 10 Things Monica Sees in Mabel’s Journey That Are Causing Unnecessary Chaos

🎙 Subscribe on your favourite podcast platform:⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣
Apple || Stitcher || Spotify || Google

Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

Full Transcript: 

00:00
Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.

00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's...

00:34
natural power to get and stay pregnant. Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes

01:01
holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friday. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I am so honored you are here becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Today we're back with the Monica, Monique, and Mabel. I absolutely love this chapter. It was so much fun to write. It was, I mean, the synchronicities of life is amazing because I got sent a

01:30
post by the woman who you will hear next week in a fertility breakthrough session. And it was perfect timing because I was about to write this episode around identity, but I was really truly feeling stuck in the sense of like, didn't want to write like a huge long thing about identity. But let me read you what she sent me. Thoughts from today.

01:59
And sometimes the only person we are hurting when we don't let go is ourself. We hold on because we have hope. Yet sometimes hope gets in the way of us creating a life free from what's not meant for us. There's freedom on the other side of acceptance. There's joy to be felt. There's new experiences to be had. There's new people to meet.

02:28
There's so much more on the other side of letting go that we can't create room for when we stay holding on. Sometimes we have to release and sometimes that release is the happiness that we've been searching for. Maybe hope is what's been keeping you stuck. Sending love as always to anyone needing these words today.

02:53
So that was the catalyst of how this chapter of clinging to the identity of the one who is trying was created. And we're going to dive into something that you might not realize, but could possibly be the main reason you're feeling stuck because you're clinging on so hard to the identity of the one who's always trying.

03:21
Especially if you've been on this journey for a while, you just might not realize how much this label is shaping your experience. I'm also going to dive into the word hope, because even though I 100 % agree what this message, this post was trying to say, because I'm all about letting go and surrender, I think hope needs to be described better.

03:50
So we're going to unpack this, shift some energy as always, and move towards something more empowering. Okay, there's going to be three main takeaways today or insight. Your identity as the one who's trying is keeping you stuck. Let's just say that, okay? Let's get that one out of the way. This journey has been your life for so long that it's become part of who you are.

04:17
Letting go might feel like losing a piece of yourself, but in reality, it's about rediscovering the version of you beyond the struggle. You are so much more than this phase of your life. This is really important to identify in yourself and release because it might not be

04:48
so much out there nowadays. I don't know. I don't spend a lot of time on social media. But when I was going through this and then when I started to become a fertility coach, the main narrative was I have infertility. I am infertile. And obviously when you get into mindset saying stuff like that, it's like basic 101. You keep telling yourself you're infertile. Your subconscious mind is going to believe it and you're going to

05:18
you know, your actions are going to reflect what you believe. So that mindset shift that you are dealing with fertility issues that 98 % of them are completely reversible, that changes the game because that empowers you to be the version.

05:44
that isn't dealing with fertility issues because she acts completely different to someone who is stuck in victim mode and just, am infertile. There's nothing I can do. Right? So identifying as this person as the infertility, if you are in the thick of that or hopefully you're just coming out of it, that's the game changer. Right? It's that radical honesty. What are you thinking? How are you speaking to yourself?

06:13
That's going to change. Okay. The second thing is you can't have and want at the same time. Okay. Think about that. Let me say it again for you. You can't have and want at the same time. If you're constantly chasing pregnancy, you're reinforcing the belief that it's missing. The work now is about shifting from wanting to having.

06:42
to fully embodying the version of you that already knows it's happening. So this isn't about pretending. Well, okay, maybe a little, right? Because here's the thing, everything is imagination. Think about it. Someone had to imagine it. It had to come up in their head for it to materialize or manifest in this reality, okay?

07:13
This is really about rewiring your entire energy around this journey. There has been very few women I have spoken to that didn't have the innate knowing that they're baby, that they're spirit baby, that that, and you guys know I don't believe they're babies, right? They're very advanced souls coming into this world and they have to come as a baby because the verjayjay is only big enough, right?

07:42
They know, you know that your baby is there.

07:48
And you have to live in that energy of knowing. And most of us in this journey, especially in the beginning, especially we're not listening into our intuition. We're not using our discernment. We feel lack. We feel out of time. We're white knuckled, gripping on so hard that that energy is not, it's not a vibe.

08:14
So we have to live in the energy of just pure joy and loving life. And I know that it's hard when you're in the thick of this journey, but it's practice. And if you keep going, I'm telling you, that's all your body wants. Your body innately knows how to do fertility. It doesn't, you do not have to think about it. Just like it innately knows how to breathe, how to

08:44
walk, right? Like you don't tell your body, okay, we're about to walk now. Put the right foot first. Well, sometimes we need that, but you know what I mean? Your body innately knows you just have to show up and give it the things that it's been lacking. And because it's been lacking it, it will just shut down fertility. It's just trying to keep you alive. It's actually protecting you and keeping you safe because your body knows like

09:10
You want me to grow another human being right now? Like I'm barely keeping you alive. Like, no, I'm not doing that. So the magic is in the mundane, knowing that it's coming and just living your life to your full potential making and, you know, making sure you're getting rid of all the BS. That's part of it too. Right. The pretend part is not living in this. Well, I just have to be positively happy.

09:37
but still work at my crappy job, still deal with my stressors of my whatever, in-laws or friends or whatever. Put it on the list. No, it's that radical honesty. Okay, so to get to hope, hope isn't the problem. Like I said, it's the death grip, the white knuckle that you have on this journey.

10:03
Hope is a beautiful thing. Hope is the driver of change. We have to start there. But hope is meant to be a bridge. You're not supposed to stay in hope. When hope turns into an exhausting loop of waiting and wanting, hope keeps you stuck. The key is to move from, I hope this is going to happen. I have hope.

10:32
to I trust that this is already unfolding. You use hope as a bridge to get into trust, love, joy. Hope helps you change. Hope is supposed to lead you to something better if you allow it. But if you're gripping on so tight, it's gonna drain you. It's time to loosen up that hold.

11:03
and let it, that innate wisdom, guide you forward instead of you in your logic brain trying to piece it all together and figure it all out and not keeping you stuck in the same place. Okay, so you probably have some questions, just like Mabel did and just like almost every single client. Here's question number one. If I let go of trying, am I giving up? Nope, absolutely not.

11:33
Letting go isn't about quitting. It's about shifting into a whole new way of being. You're not giving up on your dream. You're giving up on the struggle attached to it. How do I shift from wanting to having? This is all about reprogramming your nervous system and your subconscious. Instead of chasing, we focus on embodying. It's a practice.

11:57
And if you've been here long enough or you've jumped into one of the online programs, joined a group coaching session, done a one-to-one, you know it can be really simple if you allow it to be. And your last question might be, what if I stop trying and nothing happens? This is the fear that's going to keep so many of you stuck. And this is what I see in a lot of people that...

12:23
Well, if I'm not researching, if I'm not doing IVF, if I'm not doing these things, then it will never happen because all the evidence I've already had is that it's not happening anyways. But here's the thing. You need to recognize that gripping and forcing isn't it? It's not making it happen anyways. And

12:48
When you go down to a cellular level, when you get into the science, the fact is your body doesn't thrive in a state of stress and control. You are in fight or flight constantly. Your cortisol is just on overdrive. So moving out of that fear and moving into trust, keep showing up for yourself with that radical responsibility, catching your thoughts, catching your emotions, changing little by little.

13:17
sometimes really big breakthroughs, sometimes just showing up in the mundane. It is working. We want this instant gratification. And to be honest, we've been sold that IVF is that instant gratification. Just do IVF and have a baby. Hands up. I was there. I know how it feels. But now after my journey and after, um, go ahead.

13:47
almost 10 years of motherhood. There's nothing instant about this. Yes, it will go a lot quicker. The more consistent you are, the deeper you go. But quick fixes just aren't my thing. So I highly, highly encourage you if this podcast episode has resonated to you, go read this chapter of Monica Monique and Mabel. If I do say so.

14:15
on myself, it is hilarious. And I think it's gonna really hit home to a lot of women who are just still in this like constant loop and just don't feel like they can get out of it and trust themselves. And like I said, next week, we have the new and upgraded fertility breakthrough session. My coaching has dramatically changed over the last year to two years.

14:45
And I'm really excited to just lead by example or practice what I preach and really embody this new part of myself. So I really hope next week's episode, when you get to hear this new and upgraded fertility breakthrough session, how easy it is to discover hidden blocks, keeping you stuck in the cycle of trying instead of receiving.

15:14
how to truly trusting your body so it can do what it was designed to do and how to be radically honest with yourself so you can really step into that conscious mama you were born to be. So until next week, have a beautiful week and we'll see you on Friday. Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be.

15:43
Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent. I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. And I have something for my loyal podcast listeners, but here's the key. This is only for women who are feeling burnt out, frustrated, and stuck in the cycle of endless research. And you're at a point where you are screaming, I have tried everything. Why isn't this working?

16:13
This only works for women who are ready to take a radical responsibility for their journey and start listening to their body's innate wisdom. Because deep down, you know, you can heal and achieve your ultimate goal. If that's not you yet, that's okay. Not everyone is ready yet to show up with ease, deeply connect to their energy, unlock subconscious patterns and listen to their body's ability to come into full

16:42
coherence. But for those who are ready, I'm offering something I only do with my paying clients and this is a fertility breakthrough session. This is the first thing I do even before I start really deeply working with someone in a coaching package. It's a deep dive session where we look at exactly where you are right now, what's keeping you stuck, and the easy shifts that can change everything.

17:10
But fair warning, these sessions are very limited and go fast. So if you're interested in checking out my superpower for uncovering exactly what's been overlooked, jump into one of these free calls. They're deep, they're intuitive, and they're game changing. The only way you can access this is if you actually personally message me.

17:33
You can do it on your favorite platform, IG, TikTok, or at my personal email, monica at findingfertility.co, not .com because they wanted $3,000 for the M with just one word. And that word is dreams, obviously D-R-E-A-M-S. And I'll make sure you get that link right away. Remember this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself.

18:02
Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below. And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.